Things I can't//Larry Stylinson

Chapter 14

***And I know that you're scared. Because hearts get broken***

Freedom.

That's what this is all about. The freedom is the reason why I was alone. The freedom is the reason why the love of my life left me.

Right now I'm lying in my bed and everything what happened yesterday is on my mind. I haven't slept the whole night. I couldn't. 

Louis sacrificed his own freedom, only because of me. He wanted me to be free. But was it worth it?

Freedom, yeah I have to say I noticed that I am allowed to do more things. Now I could take a pride flag and run and dance with it on stage during my concert. I was allowed to write about whatever I wanted. No one censored my lyrics. No one gave a shit what I was writting about. I mean, just look at what I have written, duh. There were no more fake girlfriends for me. If I wanted to be single, I could. That was probably the best part. I didn't have to pretend to like someone when the love of my life had to pretend that he doesn't like me and that he's happy with Eleanor.

But was it worth it? Wasn't I happier when I had Louis but there was no freedom? When I'm thinking about it, yes, all of the lies and pretending was eating me alive. I hated to lie to my fans, I wanted to be honest, tell them who I really am and who I love. 

If Louis didn't agree with that offer we still could have been together. I know it would not be easy but I would be with him. I was ready to give up everything for him. If someone told me that I have to stop my singer career only for being with him openly, I wouldn't hesitate to do it. He was all I wanted.

But on the other hand, if Simon had offered this to me, I would do the same. I would let Louis have his freedom, even if that meant not seeing him again. I know he wanted freedom as much as I did. It was exhausting to please Simon. 

So in the end I don't blame him for doing what he did. 

Simon just had to screw everything up as usual. He never liked the idea of me and Louis being together. We disgust him. Every week we got a lecture how bad it is, how we're destroying our future. Well not just our, but also our three other band mates. It wasn't a secret that most of our fans were girls, so Simon needed us to be straight. We were only kids who wanted love, but hearing this every week messed with our heads. It was only a matter of time when Simon breaks one of us.

Harry, I left because I had to, not because I stopped loving you.

This sentence won't leave my mind. That's what Louis said, but what did he mean by it?

Does he still love me? 

What a bullshit. I'm going crazy from all of the thinking. There is no way he still loves me, right? 

He's engaged. Why is he engaged? I mean two years ago he was gay as fuck. What has changed? 

There are still so many unanswered questions on my mind. I need to talk to him. I need to talk to Louis.

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Hey guys!

Pretty short chapter, I know. However the next one will be longer, I promise.

Vote and comment <3

Mary x