Never Have I Ever Season 3

7) Never Have I Ever Got My Heart Broken

I couldn't help the nervousness I felt in my stomach, nor the anxiety that came with the anticipation of today.  And looking over to Paxton I wondered if he felt the same way.

We were silent sitting beside each other in his car. His full concentration seemed to be on the road ahead of us, yet I could tell he was even further away. His mind was miles ahead of us at the pool. like mine.  He told me once that he got nervous before swim meets. But this one was different, even special in a way. This was the first time Paxton would be swimming competitively since his accident. And since the doctors told him he couldn't pursue swimming as a career any longer. Today there was more at stake, and an increased pressure to be at peak performance. Something he couldn't be today.

Because of me.

Somehow, Paxton had managed to beat the odds. After he got his cast off he had begged his swim coach not to take him off the team. He wasn't allowed to swim for the first few weeks and had to start from the very beginning. He had to go to physical therapy, getting his arm used to moving again, and his body. He practiced with caution like he was advised. The doctor said he still needed more time but that couldn't keep him out of the water. He took it as slow as he could. Listening to his body and giving it time to get back into its momentum.

He was no longer team captain. And had only managed to persuade his coach to let him in the meet the week before. He had made progress, but he still wasn't back to his unnatural speed and agility. And maybe he never would be.

That thought brought back all the guilt I had about what happened to him. Maybe if I had let him go and stay with Ben he would've seen that car coming. Or maybe if I had just chosen one of them, he would still be captain, he would've dominated each event today, and he would be going to StanFord. It's insane how the choices we make effect others so much.

But today was an important day. I couldn't be in my head about feeling guilty. Today wasn't about me. Paxton needed as much support as possible from the people he cared about. His team, his friends, his family, and, his girlfriend.

We got to the pool an hour early so Paxton could warm up. Mom was going to dinner with some colleagues after work, so I had to ride there with Paxton. I had never been to an aquatic center this large before. The size of everything- from the room to the pool to the stands that wrapped around the building was intimidating. And I wasn't even the one that would be performing today. I took a seat and watched as the athletes leaped from their blocks and into the water in perfect form. It was a beautiful sight to see. I watched as they seemed to be almost flying and dancing in the water. I admired the strength and stamina it took to do this sport. Strength and stamina I did not possess.

My strengths lied in essay writing and acing tests. oh, and making people really really mad at me.

I studied the swimmers practicing  their various swim styles. My eyes shifted around the lanes to find Paxton conversing with his teammates.

The hour went by faster than I had anticipated, and I watched as the pool grew more and more crowded with anxious parents, spectators and supporters. I noticed a couple walking up to Paxton after he got out of the pool. They interacted for a while until Paxton waved for me to join them.

Oh shit . This caught me completely off guard. I had assumed I would be meeting them after the meet, not right now. I felt my anxiety rise as I made my way down from the stands and walked over to them. I became hyper aware of my walk then, wondering if I had always walked this weirdly. I was looking down at the floor. My arms tensely holding my purse. I could feel all three of them looking at me.

Don't be a weirdo Devi, look up and smile. I scolded myself.

"Devi, these are my parents. Parents, meet Devi. My girlfriend." My smile felt too big on my face to seem genuine and I awkwardly stretched my hand out to shake Paxton's dad's hand and his moms.