𝙰𝚍𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 || 𝙰𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚞𝚓𝚒

🔪𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 24: 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝🔪

Hello huge TW for s/h and mentions of s3xual @ssault and su!c!de, please be careful

Korekiyo POV:

"I'm sorry," I mutter to Rantaro, though I doubt he hears me. I can't rely on him for the rest of my life. He can't save me from everything. I used to be independent, do things myself, that shouldn't change. Hm, didn't he say there was a guest bedroom for me to stay in? I've just now realized I've been staying in his room the whole time, I'm sure he's gotten annoyed with me. Sister would definitely be annoyed if I stayed with her too long. She's told me that, I remember. "I could kick you out, I run everything and you do absolutely nothing for me," she would say to me, throwing glass bottles around.

I grab the suitcases I had brought with me and get all of my stuff, transferring it to the room he had originally offered to me. It's quite nice, though everything is white. And very clean, reminds me of the hospital. It's also pretty dark as the curtains are closed. There's also a balcony like Rantaro's. I wonder how high we are, it doesn't seem too high. Maybe just high enough to- No. No no. I grab the key from the dresser and lock the balcony doors, putting it in a high place so I can't reach. This should keep me safe for now.

I put my clothes and other possessions away, and look around my room a bit. I hear quiet laughing from below me, so I'm assuming Taro's is having fun. I'm glad he has friends to keep him company. I move to the bathroom, seeing what's in the cupboards. Basic necessities such as a hairbrush, toothbrush, wash rags and a....razor.

A razor...no. No no. Not today, I've already done my breakdown today. I don't need another. I rush out of the room and back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling.
Do it.
"What? No, absolutely not."
Come on, it's been so long since you've last done it, a week I believe.
"Rantaro would be upset, I told him I wouldn't do it anymore."

Rantaro wouldn't know, he's downstairs with his actual friends
He doesn't get terrified being with people like you do
"No, he would find out, he's very smart like that."
You're relying on him to stop yourself, I thought you said you'd stop relying on people?
"That- well- this is-"

Oh here's an idea, make a cut for every time you've had someone do something for you instead of doing it yourself.
"No, no no absolutely not. I'm not hurting myself, not today."
Why, are you scared? Sister would be very disappointed in you. And you wouldn't want to disappoint sister
"Why is it you always threaten me with that?"

Because You know you're afraid of disappointing people, now get up and go

I sigh, giving in and sitting up off my bed. I lock the bathroom doors and open the cupboard where I found the razors originally. I open the new packet, the silver rectangles falling down onto the counter. I picked one up, running it over my finger lightly. I sit on the floor, and roll up my sleeves. I carefully remove the bandages wrapping my arms, all white and clean. Also like the hospital.

I press it against my wrist, only lightly. Out of everywhere on my body, my wrists definitely have the most cuts.
There we go, finally doing something Yourself
"Yes yes I know."
Remember what you said you were going to do? A cut for every time you've relied on someone
"I do remember, that's what I'm doing as of now."
8..9..10..11..more and more. More and more and more and more and more and more and-

Wow, you've had that many people do things for you?
"I- well-"
That's pathetic
"I don't need your opinion."
It's not my opinion, it's yours. You're the one talking to yourself.
"..."
You know your hands look a lot like sisters without the bandaids you know
"Shut up, no they do not."

Though as I looked down at them, they do look like hers. Long, spindly, spider like. I move them around, looking at all angles. The hands that ran all over me, that touched me without permission. I hate her. I may have run away but she's never going to go away. Everything she's done won't go away. The scars on my body won't go away. It'll never change, I may be safe now but that could only be for now, I have no control over the future. If I face truth, everyone I've ever loved has hurt or left me, why would it change now?

Suddenly I feel more pain in one area of my wrist than usual. I look down to see blood gushing from my wrist quickly, running down my arm steadily. Shit, shit shit shit I must've pushed down too hard. What do I do- my head starts to spin, and the blood quickens. I didn't mean to do it that hard. I wasn't trying to kill myself, not today anyway. How do I fix this? I pull out the razor causing more red to seep down my arm while I look for bandages. I open every cupboard but I can't find anything to stop the bleeding. "Fuck fuck fuck-" I mumble to myself, unlocking the bathroom door. Hm, I wonder if Taro has bandaids.

I quietly leave my room and run to his bathroom, looking through his cupboards. I find gauze wrap and some hydrogen peroxide, so I take those and rush back to my room and go back to the bathroom, re-locking the door. I pour the peroxide on my arm, spilling it pretty much anywhere. It stings hard, but I'm too light headed to notice. I shakily grab the gauze and tightly wrap it around my arms. It's likely cutting off my circulation, but it's better than nothing.

1007 words!

A/N okay I'm sorry for the sudden angst but I was upset and needed to vent so I made a vent chapter instead. Sorry for plunging you down into a dark hole of angsty korekiyo stuff lol :^ that's all I really have to say, ty for reading Dear reader <3
-Sphinx