Colors ( Completed)

Chapter. 1

It was breezy winter. I could hear the wind thudding my broken window. I tried hard to get up but my leg seemed dead so I huddle myself inside the blanket and wish if only life could escape from me right now. I would be lying inside the warm blanket for a few days before finally, my lovely dad would notice his lifeless daughter was missing. Perhaps, I would lay here forever until my school realizes I have been gone for too long and finally knocks on my house.

I couldn’t let that happen I couldn’t let the only life I knew to turn out lie. So, I push the blanket off with all the life I collected inside me, I lift my long skin from my bed. I skipped death for now. I am alive now.
I wish I could meet my 7-year-old self and say to her “it’s good to give up sometimes” and say to her, “don’t struggle so hard to live”
I walk downstairs and pass through the door where I see him lying on the couch with his big round stomach sometimes I wonder if I could prick it with the sharp will he die? Or will his lies and addiction slip out and he will be pretty? I wonder if he ever was pretty. I pass in front of him; he is passed out to hear my tiny steps.

My school is far and I go to school by my bicycle something I bought myself with the money I saved working as a waitress. I’m 17 and it wasn’t a nice job but I got a nice smile. Men like women with nice smiles, and smiles were something that came every time I look at another being. The job I had been working, to pay my tuition fees. My mom sends me money as guilt, for leaving me behind. She tries to fill the gap of love with money, but she knows too it’s hard to have money in the house I live in. It will be snatched leaving bruises behind. It’s only then perhaps my dad would realize I’m missing and he would look for me to find me dead inside my warm blanket. I wonder what would the first thing that would cross his mind is. His mind was always awfully quiet. I was envious but I guess it’s the kind of silence that kills you inside.

I reached the gate of my school. I’m in 11th grade and my school isn’t great nor bad. It's somewhere in middle I don’t think about it much, that kinda average.
I was greeted by Ava at the entrance, she is wearing a pink crop top with skinny jeans and a thick jacket hair was always in place as long I remember I admire her for that, she puts effort into her looks and it sure pays off and here I’m barely looking alive.

“Nora” she waved her long arms at me with a bright smile.

“Hey! Ava, where you waiting for me?”
I ask

“Yeah, Can’t you dress up once in a while?”

“Aww, are you calling me ugly now? Come on, I’m hurt I can’t move on from this” I kneel on the floor.

“Come on, don’t be dramatic”, she said lifting me “you know whose class we have today?”

“Let’s go in”, I say avoiding her sly smile, “okay?”

“I know you can’t hide it from me, Mr. James you like him don’t you?”

“Shut up there are people around,” I say walking quicker than usual.

Theo James isn’t my crush. I’m not someone who could have such a rose-red colorful life. I admire him that was all. If only I could tell Ava, that he was the only one who didn’t think my lies are sin. Ava wouldn’t be smiling next to me if she knows my dad is a drunkard and my mother left me.  I lie so much lately; it feels so good to imagine coming from a well-loved family. The things I make up seem so real, I just want to cling to them like a child and never really wake up from this dream.

I walk to class and sit beside Ava and watch everyone surround her as soon she walks in, I was just smart enough to be her friend and with her around I’m safe in class. She is the daughter of the head dean. I wouldn’t tell she has academic intelligence but she is witty. Anyways, must be nice to be born with a gold spoon in her mouth. Sometimes I wonder if there was competition up there to be chosen into a good house. No wonder, I suck at competitions.