∂εғιηε ∂εsιяε

Heart Ache

A/N: My heart is seriously aching right now (hence the chapter name)! How could Abe do that? Why is he driving her away? For protection or fear? Is he regretting it? Omg, I'm freaking out! But here's another chapter for ya'll! Enjoy!

-Blakeley

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You never truly know heartbreak until it's happened to you. You think you know how it might feel, but you can't ever know for sure until you've experienced it yourself.

And how much I wish I never did.

It's like he ripped my heart out with his bare hands and crushed it in his palms, dropping it to the ground and leaving it there bloody, broken and bruised.

I have mixed emotions about everything, but the most conspicuous feeling would have to be rage and hurt. At times all I want or can think about is tearing him apart limb by limp and watching him drown in his own blood. But other times--the most often and painful times--my heart aches for him.

All I can think about is the way his kisses felt, or the way his hands felt against my skin, the pressure of his body against mine - it's like a tape running through my mind on replay 24/7. And it hurts worse every time.

I thought I'd experienced the most amount of pain when my family died. I thought that life had, had it's go at me and would finally give me a break from all the pain and suffering I'd gone through.

Oh, how wrong I was.

It's like some cruel joke. It toys with my mind, tearing me apart slowly until all I am is shattered pieces on the ground.

And this time, I don't know If I'll ever build back up.

The strength I once had, the courage, it all seemed to have left me the minute Abe did - the minute he had a full on snog session with Blondie the Barbie Doll who has the face of an angel and the soul of a demon.

I. HATE. HER.

I've imagined stringing her up by her neck several times--more like a thousand--but every time, I realize that it won't ever do me any good.

Abe doesn't want me. He's made that clear. He didn't fight for us, even when I let it slide when he almost killed me, he didn't fight. Because he didn't want to. He didn't want me.

And what am I supposed to do? I fought for us but a relationship consists of a two-people force. Without the second person, your getting nowhere and nowhere fast.

"Hun, you doin' alright?" Jane slips inside my room with two steaming cups off coffee in her hand. She hands me one and I thank her silently.

I arrived at Jane's a little under a weak ago, asking for shelter for the time being and that I just need some time to get back on my feet. She accepted, no questions asked, and immediately made me feel right at home.

It's weird. It's been years since we've been close or even talked for that matter. And now that I've found her, all I want to do is talk to her. I want to get to know her and be close like we used to be. I don't want to loose her again. And if it weren't for Abe, I would have never found her again and would have never gotton that chance.

Ugh...Abe. Stupid Abe, rotten Abe. I hate him!

"I'm fine." I say, my voice low and broken. Anyone who saw me now would think I've come back form the dead. I'm sitting in a dark room on the window seat with my hair a mess, my eyes sad and tired, and my skin a sickly pale.

I've been here for two hours just watching the raindrops slide down the clear window and the storm outside blow the tree's around wildly. The wind is strong and the storm just seems to be getting worse and worse as time continues - just like the tearing of my heart.

"You know, you still haven't told me what happened." Jane say's casually, taking a seat apposite from me cross-legged and sipping her coffee. Her hair has gotten slightly longer, now just barely long enough to stick in a little bun on top of her head.

I almost laughed the first time I saw the pathetic excuse of a messy bun she'd tried to accomplish but only made it like she'd hair sprayed it sticking strait up off the top of her head.

I sigh, tightening my arms around my legs that are bent up to my chest. I thunk my head against the window and close my eyes.

"Life sucks. People suck. Everything sucks."

Jane looks thoughtful for a moment, seemingly taking in my information slowly.

"So It's a boy we're dealing with here."

I open one eyelid to glance at her. "

"How did you know?"

Jane laughs lightly.

"I'm a mother, Nick. And although I haven't dealt with teenagers yet I still know what heartbreak is. I've had it once before."

"Really?" I ask her, now half-heartedly interested.

She nods. "Mhm...Johnny Dewert. Heartthrob, six-pack, and the football teams top player. I guess they forgot to mention that football isn't the only thing he plays." She tsk's in mock anger and waves a finger in front of her face.

I grunt, whether it was a laugh or a sound of pain, I couldn't tell.

Jane frowns at me before setting her coffee down and moving closer so that she can look me in the eyes.

"Nicole, what's happened? You can talk to me, remember? Just like old times." Her voice is sincere, and instead of feeling pain at the mention of the past, I feel a warm sensation build up inside me.

Gratefulness.

And so I tell her. I tell her everything, pulling a few strings here and they're so to not spill the vampire secret, but other than the occasional twists I give her the whole shebang. I thought I was broken before, but hearing it out loud makes everything even more painful if not unbearable.

"I don't understand, Jane." I say mournfully. "What do I do? I keep thinking I'm dong things right. That I'm making the right decisions and taking right paths but...I only ever end up being as lost, if not more, than I was before." I sigh deeply, completely confused and torn.

Jane tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and gives me a small smile. A smile that seems so familiar yet so distant.

"He cares about you, Nicole. He's just confused. Give it time, alright? I know I'm not much help when it comes to these things, but I'm trying. Just don't give up hope, alright? You've done all you can do. Now it's his turn."

"But that's just it," I say, shaking my head. "I don't know how to do that. It's been so long since all I've had to do was sit back and not do anything. To not be in control of what happens next. I'm not used to it and it's hard. I was always the one making things happen. But now? I feel useless. I feel utterly hopeless and there isn't a thing I can do about it."

Jane squeezes my shoulder. "All will work out in do time. For now, I think a vacation is in order for you, yeah? You need it." She kisses my forehead, and with one last gentle smile, exits the room.

I let the silence envelope me and breath deeply, but before I can stop them, the tears start flooding down my cheeks and off my chin. A sob tears through my throat making it ache in pain, but not as much pain as my heart.

It throbs horrifically in my chest and my stomach turns painfully. I sob again and bite my knuckles so that Jane doesn't hear.

I fall asleep that night with my body shaking, tears leaking, and heart aching. The pain seems as if it will never go away. The picture of Abe and Marla pass through my head over and over again, torturing me.

"If this is love I don't want it." I cry pitifully into my pillow. I shake my head while repeating, "I don't want it," over and over again. Clutching the fabric of my shirt, I tug at it as the pain just seems to keep getting worse. How is it possible that one man can make me cry in a week more than I have in the last six years?

I hope your happy, Abe. I've officially broken.

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