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Memory Lane

(A/N) This a really long chapter - longer than any one I've ever done. It gets pretty deep in here, also, and I'm sorry if you think I'm moving too fast. I've tried to be careful so I hope you all like it. Now, continue!

[ UNEDITED ]

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We all have days.

Day's when were mad, sad, depressed, happy, joyful, or just overall an emotional mess. Other times it's just a really bad day when everything starts to weigh down on you and your emotions start to betray your thoughts.

Today is one of those 'really bad' day's.

I sigh and let my head fall between my arms that are bracing against the kitchen counter. My emotions are raging stampede, each and every one depressing, doubtful, and full of guilt. People say you can't change the past so why spend your time dwelling in it? Easier said than done.

Your past doesn't just leave; it doesn't just let go and let you live on without a care in the world. No, it hangs on to you, torments you, tears you apart piece by piece until your as broken as shattered glass. And after you've finished building yourself back up, it comes back and tears you down again.

Some people have it easy. Sometimes they regret the silliest things, like paying to much for they're coffee, buying something that was way to expensive, accidental pushing your relative down the stairs and breaking they're necks, or maybe running over the neighbors cat.

Either way, your problems always seem bigger than there's. You can drink your pain away for a night but it will only come back again in the morning when the drug's are all gone, and it'll come back ten times worse than before.

Pain is something I'm very accustom to. I've become immune - numb even, towards that very feeling. But someday's, day's like this, it hits me full force, the guilt and pain torturing me until I can barely breath.

I've tried everything; cleaning, cooking, shopping, eating, I've tried everything I could to distract myself but nothing works. I could slice my hand with a knife, cut my wrists, slap myself until I'm bruised but it wouldn't help. The pain never leaves.

I can't sleep, the nightmares are too bad - to frightening. They bring back memory's I've tried so hard to forget - to bury deep underground where I'll never have to see them again. I hoped, prayed even, that once I buried everything down under that I could start a new - make myself a better life and never half to deal with the past again.

But life just loves torturing me, doesn't it?

Once upon a time there was a girl who was in a tragic accident. Her life over, her past haunted, and her only family is an older sister who disappeared to find herself another life away from her younger sibling who always seemed to be the cause of everything bad that ever happened in the family.

I haven't seen her for over six years - I bet she's not so young anymore. If your wondering why life picked today to screw with me, the reason is, in fact, because today is her birthday. My older sisters birthday is today and I haven't heard or seen from her in years.

I bet she has a life, a loving husband, children perhaps? I bet she has everything I don't. But who cares? I don't. She left me and never looked back, not once - only thinking about herself.

Typical human thing to do, I suppose. We'll do anything to survive. Oh, man. If Abe heard me say that In can imagine what he'd think. He'd probably tell me 'I told you so!'.

A humorless chuckle escapes my lips at the thought. Abe. That stupid, arrogant, superior, vampire thinks he knows everything. He thinks he has me all figured out - well, sorry to burst your bubble, Abe, but - you don't.