It'll Change Without You [FINISHED]

Chapter three: Derealization and talks.

TW:

Mention of abuse

Aftermath of abuse

Mention of alcohol

Blood

Pills (no overdose)

Derealization (obviously)

September 12, Sunday.

[Shadow POV]

I woke up on the floor of the bathroom, eyes red and puffy. I found breathing hard again, but this time it's because of London, and not a panic attack. I thought back to something Lemon had said.

[Flashback cuz I'm too lazy to write in past tense]

"Your fucking city gave us asthma!" She whined, complaining about the air pollution affecting our breathing. I smiled. "And the water gave us cancer!" I responded with a bright grin. "Oh! Oh! The pavement is mean!" Lemon said somehow managing to smile brighter. I laugh. "You're fucking ridiculous." I said jokingly.

[End of flashback]

I stood up, my body feeling heavy, and left the bathroom, wandering back to my room. I grabbed my phone from off the table it sat on. Ninety-nine missed texts from: L3m0n. The notification said, and that was just for discord. Forty-four from messenger, sixteen missed calls, even four from Facebook messages! (Plz no copyright.) Shadow: Hey, yeah I'm alive yay. I type, getting a quick response. Lem0n: Thank goodness. I was about to come over. You missed classes. Lemon replied. Shadow: s h i t . Idc, but s h i t . I responded. Shadow: Hold up, Imma email my teachers. I typed, before opening my email.

I wrote quickly, making the email formal, and polite. Hello there, this is Freya, I recognized I missed today's classes. This is because last night, the thunder caused me to have a panic attack, and I passed out, not waking up till a few minutes ago. I greatly apologize, and am absolutely fine if you leave me marked as absent, I'm just letting you know that I'm fine, and will be showing up in person on Monday. Thank you! -Freya =] I write, using my real name, Freya, along with mentioning how we would be in person again on Monday. I got an immediate response from my pre-calculus teacher Mr. Willson. Hey there Freya! It's okay that you didn't show up anyways, but thank you for telling us why. You should take a day or two to yourself, and I look forward to seeing you on Monday! Mr. Willson had written. A few "get wells" and "see you soons" and "thanks for the email" and I had gotten a response from all of my teachers. I sigh, closing my email, and going back to discord.

L3m0n: oh, my dad needs me. BRBB - Lemon had written, brbb being a code. Brbb doesn't stand for anything, but it has a purpose in texting anyway. What does it mean? [Parent] is drunk, in this case [parent] was dad. Lemon doesn't live in the best household, as both her parents are extreme alcoholics, extremely controlling, and abusive. Shadow: okay/=] I type, using the corresponding code: /=] meaning, "come over when you need". I wait anxiously for a few minutes, hoping Lemon is okay. L3m0n: got the okay. Be over in a few. Lemon says, the texts seeming bitter, even though the screen. Shadow: See you =] I respond, before scrambling to pick up my room. Lemons parents check her messages every few days, so codes and stuff are the only way we can talk without them knowing what we're really talking about. The "I got the okay" excuse only works because Lemon can tell them that her parents were drunk, and that's why they didn't remember. It works though.

I wander out of my room carefully, my arms full of dishes that once sat on my bedroom floor. I live alone, as my dad was in prison for domestic violence, my mom just left, and besides, I was sixteen -old enough to live alone-. (Probably not true in London, but whatever-) I do everything for myself as of now, but once Lemons parents let her move out, we intend to live together, and that means she will be getting chores. I drop the dishes into the sink carefully, as not to shatter any of them. I yawn, before scrambling back to my room, and tossing the dirty clothes from the floor into a bin.

There was a knock at the door, assuming it was Lemon, I walked to the door, ready to open it without looking through the peephole for once. I almost opened it without checking, but anxiety got the better of me, and I glanced through the peephole. Lemon looked up at me, her face marked, and nose bleeding. I sighed, opening the door to let her in. Her arms and legs were marked as well, red, some turning purple. "You did it again." Lemon said, referring to me looking through the peephole. "It's not my fault! I don't know for sure that you're not my dad until I see you." I say defensively. "I'll get you some ice and painkillers." I said, walking to the bathroom to get the bottled pills from the mirror cabinet. I open it, and pull out the container, opening that and pulling out a single pill. I place the bottle back in its place before walking back to the kitchen/living area, to see Lemon sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on my T.V, settling on some random high school drama looking thing, and getting comfortable in the chair.

I open the freezer, grabbing a few ice packs. Walking over to another cabinet, I grab a glass, and fill it with water from the sink. "Here," I say, giving Lemon the water and painkiller first, my hands full of multicolored ice packs. Lemon swallows down the pill with water, setting the glass down and starting to grab ice packs. "Thanks." She said, cautiously putting ice packs on the reddish purple marks on her skin. "I still think you should come live with me." I say, fully prepared for the typical response: "No, I don't want to put you in danger of my parents, and besides, I can put up with it for a few more years." Lemon sighed. "Why do you care so much about me anyways?" She asked, out of the ordinary, when I mentioned Lemon coming to live with me.

"Because you're my friend, and I see myself in you. I don't want you to get hurt like I did." I say, walking back to the kitchen and leaning on the counter. "But, why do I matter to you as a person? Like, not just because you want to protect me." Lemon asks. I jump onto the counter, sitting on it, my back to Lemon. "Hm, I'm not sure. It's just... You don't deserve that. You're such an amazing person, and your parents treat you horribly." I say, deciding on the sentence as I went, instead of thinking before I spoke. "But... But I'm- I'm not worth it. And what if it's not even real in the first place?! What if all your efforts are for nothing?" Lemon asks, her tone soft and curious. I kick my legs from on the counter, occasionally hitting one of the lower cabinets with my leg. "Well, I don't really care if it isn't real. I can still value you, can't I?" I ask. Lemon sighs. "Let's just go to bed, okay?" Lemon says. "But will you take me up on my offer?" I ask, walking towards my bedroom. "No. Not until later." Lemon says, cutting the conversation short. I nod absently, grabbing an air mattress from my closet while Lemon walks into my room.

Goodnight.

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OoOooOO, aNGst? =]

Yeah, you have fun with that. Also, derealization succkks. But now you know something about Lemon! She has DDD (a.k.a depersonalization-derealization disorder)

I just realized I didn't post this chapter, so here I am, posting this and getting rid of the A/N that was here.