I See What You Don't

She Sleeps

      Her toned arms were still wound tightly around your fair waist. You have been kept safe even in her hazardous healing slumber, despite your body having lost sensation long ago. You remember the events that transpired to lead to this moment: Cassandra fought Bela to protect a maid while you rested soundly in the shared bed. That she nearly flickered away as fast as she burned coming into this world. Cassandra was the strongest physically out of you all, and to see her in such a state ate at your nerves. All of the near-expert control of her flies wasn't enough to outsmart a savagely crazed Bela who predicted almost every attack.

      Her bandaged body laid roughly against your back, scratching against the fabric of your silky nightdress. Any shift of movement would threaten to snag the material holding her body together and potentially destroy any progress of healing it. For this reason you made the conscious decision and excruciating effort to remain in one place so long as Cassandra did as well. Whatever it takes, for however long it takes.

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      The two of you had talked about the fight before you noticed her eyes slowly fluttering heavily. She swayed back and forth for a while, struggling to stay awake to continue chatting about Bela and sharing ideas on how to help her with her condition. The yawns ambushed her in waves against her will, her exhausted body giving way to just how tired she really was. Her bullheadedness was desperately trying to stay afloat in a sea of drowsiness.

"Your body needs rest," you remember telling her while giving her a look of genuine concern.

      Your left hand slowly slid over to her right thigh. You trailed your fingers lightly from above her knee to just below the side of her hip and back down. You attempted to lean into her, wanting so desperately to have that close contact that you had had in the bathroom. It was a moment you were sure to never forget. The feeling from it all had not left your mind for a single moment. You tilted your head onto her shoulder, nuzzling the crook of her neck while smiling, and breathed a long sigh of relief. You could rest now knowing that she was going to be fine.

      Cassandra had glared at you with a half closed side eye in response to your affectionate pursuit. The sudden shock of her brooding energy caused chills to run down your spine. You immediately shifted and sat straight up, practically gluing your hands to themselves in order to not make this reaction of hers happen ever again. You prepared yourself for the harshness of reality. Cassandra evidently did not feel the same way about you as you did about her, and that was very clear. Your sister had asked you to stay, but seemed to be out of concern for Bela's mental well-being. She was completely void of any reciprocation of your advances. To be truthful to yourself, you did not know why you felt the way you did either. A hurtful predicament of the 'heart'.

      No matter your self contradictions, you always found yourself wanting to be around her for some reason. Maybe it was because she was the first person to have ever touched you. The day the three of you awoke on the floor, it was Cassandra who was next to you, involuntarily breathing into your ear while trying to gain consciousness. The moment she accidentally touched your hand while Mother was putting her yellow gem choker on for her. The sound of her voice becoming the one of most familiarity-- even if it was by yelling and teasing.

      Had you misinterpreted all of these actions, and created some kind fantasy out of it? Did she save your life twice, or was it only used as an opportunity to challenge Bela for superiority? You looked at your feet for quite some time, furiously pondering your idiocy for believing that your sister would see you in such a light. You are afraid that you're becoming delusional. You must be, to have developed some type of feelings for her- it's only normal that she wouldn't want that with or from you. You are the black sheep of the family after all, and Cassandra has made that obvious early on. It was painfully transparent that your genetic makeup was corrupted.