The Ten Years that I Loved You the Most ✔️

Letter from Jiang Wenxu

    Wife Zhi Shu:

    You have been outside for so long, how are you doing? Remember to take care of yourself, I have always missed you.

    Everything is okay with me, very obedient and cooperating with the doctor in the treatment, Jing Wen told me that you probably don't want to come back and watch me make myself into this inhuman and ghostly appearance.

    It's just that most of the time I really miss you, and every breath I think about is causing pain in my heart and lungs. But you have been reluctant to go home, I can only live my life slowly by myself... It doesn't matter if you think about it, you won't come back if you don't come back, you used to be waiting for me, now I am waiting for you again for a long time.

    Zhi Shu, I don’t know why I haven’t dreamed of you for a long time. Isn't it... You actually don't want to see me again? I also often think of the past, not to hide it from you... I myself feel cruel, and I feel that it is really unfair to you. I regret it all the time, hate myself for not treating you better, and blame myself for never really pampering you once. I now know that I was wrong.

    But you just walked so far, and didn't even look back, and didn't leave me a chance to remedy it.

    I still remember that you once said that you like puppies the most, and I don't want you to raise them because of the dirty ones. Now our Akita is half a year old. He is close to acquaintances and still has a bad temper with strangers. Every day I am busy, I have to take time to take care of them. You like animals so much. When will you come back to liberate me? Assistant Song was almost too much to eat, the dog brought him during the day, and it harmed a lot of the flowers and important documents in his office.

    Years later, I went to see Ai Tzuyu, and I did everything to get the coat you left behind. How could I be willing to leave that coat to him? I remember that I bought it for you seven years ago. I took you to see the snow. It was terribly cold at night, and the coat I bought was too big to fit. You didn’t wear it properly, and you were hugged by me. In the arms. After that, you wore this coat for seven winters, I remember it all.

    Ai Tzuyu still looks cold and hated in my eyes, but it's normal. He likes you so much. But last time I went to find what he wanted from you, he saw my most disgusting sympathy and sadness in his eyes. He still couldn't understand how I was better off, but there was nothing left besides yelling that you passed away.

    Anyway... I won't believe him.

    But after I got home that day, I was thinking, you might be really angry with me and don't want to come back. What should I do? What can i do? I thought for a long time, and suddenly felt that I could go to you, to those places you mentioned to me and I never had the opportunity to take you there.

    The company gave it to Assistant Jing Wen and Assistant Song to see that profit and loss are not too important to me. It is only because it contains too many memories about you.

    When I went to Florence last month to pack my luggage at home, I found a collection of paintings hidden by your baby Bei Bei in the splint of the closet. I secretly painted you when I was in high school. At the beginning, you had a lot of side faces. I watched you draw when you listened carefully to the class. Later, I got a face too, because after we were together, I was finally able to look at you with integrity.

    However, what you hid is so serious, I thought the painting was lost a long time ago. It’s also hard for you to come out from home fourteen years ago and follow me secretly. There is nothing on you. Remember to bring my paintings. I don't know if you are shy or what, you never told me, even I kept it secret.

    It takes seven hours for the train from Milan to Florence. I have been looking at the paintings I painted for you. I can see you at the age of sixteen. Sitting by the window, hair and eyelashes are adorned on sunny days. Golden light.

    Next to him is an old couple from France. They are old and very affectionate. Their fingers have been firmly buckled together. When I watched them, they smiled at me and greeted me in English.

    After I got acquainted with the chat, I introduced you to them with a collection of paintings. They praised you for your good-looking appearance. I was very happy. I said, this is my favorite person. It feels really good. You are like being by my side. Someone asks about you. Someone remembers that you and I were together, and will always be together.

    Florence is beautiful, just like the paintings you have shown me, the golden church spires under the sunset, the harmonious and warm town, like a fairy tale. But I did not wait for you like the beautiful ending of the story.

    After returning to China, I stayed at home for two months. Jing Wen was still afraid of what might happen to me, so he persuaded me to look at my heart again. I know I'm okay. After the little half year when you just started to disappear, the heart disease slowly disappeared. I don't want it to be piercing pain, because it often indicates that it is not a good thing.

    I donated my bone marrow a week before I went out again. It wasn't a sudden kindness. I just thought of you. I hope that everyone will donate some. If it can be used on you, it will be good.

    I went to Argentina this time and I went to Iguazu Falls. You have been particularly fascinated by Tony Leung Tow Wai Leslie Cheung for a while. I watched "Happy Together" a dozen times. I don't like watching movies, but I always remember a few lines over time.

    I may be really emotional. When I was under the waterfall, I suddenly remembered that Liang Yaohui was alone under the waterfall. He and I were thinking that there should be two people under this waterfall.

    Is there a chance to start from scratch?

    Zhi Shu, when I think of you, I hate traveling more and more. Having seen so many beautiful sceneries alone, the loneliness in my heart is getting heavier and heavier. Because I always think, if you were by my side, it would be great.

    But I will learn to be patient and wait forever, to redeem my sins bit by bit on the days when you don’t come back, and to personally experience the neglect and pain I have brought you, day and night every minute and every second . I have gone through a fork in the road, done wrong things, and gradually realized that the world cannot be as I wish, and it may be too late to turn around. I don't ask for forgiveness, I just want to wait for you, use my future, use all my strength and life.

    I don't know if I have committed so many evils and have another life, so all I can do is to pour my heart and love into this life and wait for you.

    because I love you.

    May you be

    well!

    People waiting for your return: Jiang Wenxu's     ten-year story

    on March 17, 2016

is all over here.

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