Love is Cruel

Chapter 9

"You are leaving?" he whispered. He put the guitar on the couch and came over to me.

Something flickered in his eyes. It was too quick for me to identify, but it made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

"I need to go home," I whispered back.

"Why?" he asked, still very quiet. And there was that look again.

Was it sadness?

"I need to..." I actually tried to lie to him. Then I shook my head. I would not be able to hold a rational conversation right now, not with my stomach churning with dread.

"Look it was a very nice evening... night," I continued, trying for a smile.

He came closer, smiled a little, before looking at the floor.

"Well, what about dinner tonight?" he asked quietly.

Jesus Christ!

I swallowed hard once more. I gathered all my resolve.

"I can't, Zayn."

I gave him a kiss on the cheek, didn't wait for him to say anything and left his apartment with tears running down my face.

*************************

I was quite proud of myself for being able to walk away from Zayn the way I did. I had made the decision to stay away from him for my own sake, for my own sanity, even though my heart was broken.

But I couldn't seem to get rid of him. Two days after I had left his flat he started to text me And he texted me every day after that, telling me that he missed me, that he wanted to see me again, and if it was just for dinner. Every time I saw one of his messages it made my heart thump painfully in my chest. At first I thought it was proper payback for what he had done to me, but I was not a cruel person, so after a little over a week on a Tuesday night, after a couple of beers, I actually replied to him.

H: I wish you would leave me alone.

His reply came instantly.

Z: Why?

I needed to make him understand.

H: Because I can't be involved with you.

It was actually easier to write those things. At least like this I didn't have to look into his eyes, or have him distract me from what I needed to tell him. It took a moment for him to reply this time.

Z: You are right, you shouldn't be involved with me.

He was actually agreeing with me?

H: ???

Z: Nothing.

Z: Never mind.

Z: Want to have dinner with me on Saturday? I'll cook!

I set down heavily on my couch when I saw that message.

H: No.

Z: Please!!!

H: No.

Z: But why not?

H: You know why not.

Z: But it would just be dinner.

H: It's never just dinner with you, Zayn.

Z: I promise to behave.