Kanej One-shots

The Visit

Kaz raised his eyes from all the paperwork pilled and spread on his desk and looked out the window. Darkness. Only the stars shone up in the sky. It was a new moon. Finally, he thought. Inej might be coming. This realisation was met with a whole spetrum of opposed feelings inside him. Would she make it? Had she forgotten? Maybe she would be hurt, captured again or slaughtered by those slavers she had spent the last year bringing to justice - to her own justice, at least. Maybe her boat would have fallen victim of this harsh autumn weather. Just as soon as he pictured it, imagined Inej's body floating adrift in the open ocean, he commanded the thought out of his head. A shiver ran down his spine. It had been surprisingly rainy lately, damn his leg, which didn't do but warn him of the shit weather.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, elbows on the table, holding his face between his hands. It was just exhausting - the waiting. It was eating him from the inside out. Will she be coming back this time? The thought resonated inside of him, from somewhere hollow. It was just as much a thought as a feeling by now, crawling into his conscious mind whenever he was alone. Whenever he'd finished the job. Whenever the sun hid and shadows started playing tricks on his mind. 25 days left... 6 days left... tonight. Without realising it he'd spent the last year counting down the days for each new moon - that was when she had tell him he might expect her. Might. If the weather was right. If she finished the job. If, if, if... It had been almost a year now since he'd last seen her. 11 new moons. He had been receiving word that she was well, alive, even happy. And he was genuinely happy for her. He had been sad to watch her go, felt the uncertainty of her return clawing at the back of his head.
"Your armour, Kaz. It's not just the touching. You know it. All those things you never say, they swim inside your eyes, Kaz. I can't read your thoughts but I know they're there. Inside. Secured under countless locks." She hesitated, looked down, "Sometimes I wonder if you've added a latch to your box of feelings for each lock you've cracked open." He saw now the sadness in her eyes.
"My head might be big but that's a hell of a lot of latches," he managed. She smiled bitterly. He didn't know what to say.
"Well to be honest, my first instinct was to keep trying combinations, keep pulling on those locks and pray that, somehow, I might happen to open at least one," she looked out at the waves now, some loose hairs being swayed by the breeze. "But we both know you are the code cracker. It has to be you, Kaz. I can't open you up, I can't fi-" she stoped abruptly, searched for his eyes, apologetically. There was silence, an then he spoke, "You can't fix me," he finished for her.
"I didn't mean-."
"No but you're right. I know you are. It's my greatest fear too: to be unable to fix myself. And for a time it wasn't even a problem. But now..." he stared at the boat beside them. The Wraith, it read. He couldn't believe the time had actually come.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't," he was quick to answer. "You make me want to try harder, Inej. You... ground me," he tried to memorise the golden tone of her skin, the warm glow in her eyes. "So don't be sorry."
She could feel his warm breath on her lips, like some sweet perfume luring her closer, the same way a moth was drawn to a flame. It was these "in-betweens" that Inej found tightened her stomach and raced her heart, reddened her cheeks. So many men had passed through her body thinking they knew what to say, where to touch. But being around Kaz she found it wasn't so much a matter of words as glances, it wasn't the touch as much as the anticipation of it. This... this was all Kaz's. It wouldn't matter if some day she found out that making love and being forced - the mechanics of it - didn't feel that different, she told herlself, she'd always have this: the longing of a touch, that hypnotic look in Kaz's eyes. This was what sparked the flame inside her. So many things could go wrong if they did touch, that she took in these moments, feasted on them.
"No mourners," she whispered.
"No funerals," Kaz answered, pulling away now. Though I would mourn you all my life, he thought. "Take care, Inej," he knew it was a plead but it came out as a petition.
"I'll pray por you, Brekker," she smiled. And she was gone once again.