for once in your life, trust someone else.

i wish you looked at me that way

It's another sunny day in the Outer Banks, paradise on earth. We're all out on the HMS Pogue. 

Pope is driving as usual, and I have to stop myself from staring at him constantly. He looks amazing like he always does. I shouldn't notice these things about him, but I can't help it. I shouldn't notice when he looks at Kie, and I can't help but wish he looked at me that way. I shouldn't notice when he does something he's proud of, and his face lights up. I shouldn't notice, because I shouldn't be in love with him. But I am. And I know he'll never feel the same. 

"Oi, JJ. Pass me the beer will you." John B interrupts my daydreams, and I snap back to the present.

_

"JJ! What on earth are you doing?" Pope's yelling at me.

I'm up a tree, high as fuck, giggling uncontrollably. 

"Having fun, Dr Spock," I say. "Look how high I am." I giggle again.

"You're gonna fall. Please just come down ok?" Pope looks worried.

"No, I won't." I giggle again. "I'm so steaaadyyyy." I begin to wobble around.

"JJ please come down. I need you." I hear Pope plead.

He needs me? What does he mean by that? Does he need me as a friend, or perhaps, something more?

"Ok Dr Spock," I say. "I'm coming."

I gradually make my way down the tree, and then fall into Pope's arms at the bottom.

"Thanks for catching me, man." I giggle. "You're really strong."

For a second, it looks like he's blushing. But maybe I'm just high.

_

I wake up and realise I'm in Pope's room. He must have brought me back to look after me. I smile, then stop. He's just being a good friend, I think. Friends look after each other. 

"Hey, buddy." I hear Pope say as he comes in.

"Hey." I try not to stare at him, try not to take in every little detail. I drop my eyes to the floor.

"What on earth were you doing last night man? I was really worried about you."

"I dunno. I was just trying to distract myself I guess." Except, I know exactly what I was trying to do. I was trying to forget that I had just seen Kie kiss Pope. I was trying to forget how much I wanted to be in her place.

"Well please don't do that again." Pope looks genuinely concerned. "I really can't lose you, man."

I try to change the subject. It pains me, but I ask.

"So how's it going with Kie man?"

Pope's face drops.

"Well, we kissed, but she keeps blowing me off." He says. "I keep trying to call her but she doesn't pick up."

"Oh," I say, kicking myself for feeling the tiniest bit of relief. I should feel bad for my friend, but I can't help it.

"I'll take you home if that's ok?" Pope says. "I've gotta make some deliveries."

Pope's focused on the road, being a safe driver as always. I love the intense look of concentration he always has while driving. It's really cute.

I know I shouldn't think these sort of things about my best friend, but I can't help it.

_

I wake up to the sound of my phone dinging. It's Kie.

Can I talk to you?

The message reads.

Sure

I reply. The three grey dots appear as she slowly types.

Can you come over? Pls?

It must be important if she wants to talk in person, so I quickly put on some shoes and head over.

_

"Whats up Kie?" I say. "Is something wrong?"

"It's about Pope." she looks worried.

"What happened?"

"It's more about what didn't happen..." she says vaguely.

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused.

"Well, when we kissed, it should've felt good right?" she says.

I'm really confused at this point.

"Yeah?"

"It was the perfect moment, and somehow it just didn't feel right."

"So you don't like him?" I ask, trying not to sound so excited.

"It's not just him," Kie says. She looks so nervous."I don't like guys."