His Baby Girl

The Year

"This is just FWB no commitment, no feelings attached. Just like before but now we fuck and hangout." We both said this to each other lying through our teeth, both of us knowing separately that we had feelings for the other. I knew he had liked me for at least a year at this point but he was clueless, truly I don't know how. Anytime I did nice things for him as a friend he just said to himself "She's just a really nice person I can't read into it" He really thought he'd never have a chance with me, telling himself I was too good for him. While it's true I am nice there was definitely more motivation behind the things I did for Austin.
After the photo shoot things were supposed to be normal between us again and maybe if we hadn't kissed they could've been, at least for awhile. But we did kiss and that was something neither of us could or wanted to take back. It was two weeks before finally fucked and immediately this was the best sex either of us had ever had. About a year or so before this started the four of us were working my brother, Alex, Austin and I. We had to go to Lowe's and pick up some materials so my brother went in and we waited in the truck, conversation struck up and somehow we landed on me stating that I didn't like when a guy went down on me. Truthfully it had only happened maybe a handful of times and Lee was no expert nor was he a giving lover anyways. We'd dated for almost 2 years at that point and he was definitely a "let's just have sex" kinda guy unless it was I who was going down on him. I thirsted for more in our relationship, trying to turn him into the dom I had always wanted to give full control of myself to but he didn't want it. Alex and Austin both proceeded to tell me that it's bullshit and no women doesn't enjoy it as long as it's done right, I proceeded to tell them how my bestfriend is the same way, neither of us have ever liked it. But they still called bullshit and Austin said he's never had an unhappy customer. Well either the first or second time we hooked up he went down on me and girlllll, it was incredible. As soon as he, no. As soon as I finished and he looked up and I said, "you've been waiting a long time to prove me wrong haven't you?" He smiled and laughed agreeing that he had indeed just been waiting. We continued hooking up pretending no feelings were involved, lying to ourselves and each other. I was still heartbroken pining for Lee and Austin knew that. Things had only ended between us a month or so before everything happened with Austin and I.
Lee came to my house, we had incredible sex and while still naked in the aftermath staring deeply into each other's eyes as I was thinking on how much I loved him he looked at me and said "I'm not in love with you anymore" I was shattered and this took time to get past, truthfully the thought of it still breaks my heart. I mean what a shitty thing to do to someone you've been through so much with. The day before the photo shoot Lee had texted me (for the first time in weeks) asking if I still had the video of me sucking his dick and if I could send it to him, I could take you to the job site I was on and show you exactly where I was standing when I received that text. Just another stab to my already fragile heart. So, yeah despite the feelings I already had for Austin, he and that photo shoot were part of my rebound. Trying to feel something other than the unbearable pain of a broken heart, to feel worth it again; worthy even. Austin, who had honestly scared me was always a gentlemen, always so caring, sweet and loving. I had seen him in the past as a playboy, someone who would undoubtedly break my heart if I opened it to him. Someone who as a friend I was safe with but could never be emotionally vulnerable enough to give my heart to him, to be emotionally naked with. But overtime he proved me wrong. I was wrong about him, my vision cloudy from all the pain of my past; a rather extensive list. Austin and I would go on as FWB for the next year(ish) eventually both of us honest enough to admit that we had feelings for each other. Fights over the fact that he was in so much pain having me but not truly having me and my response always being the same. "I'm not ready for anything more than this. I do have feelings for you but I have no heart to give you for it still belongs to Lee. He stole it and I never got it back. I'm sorry. You're better off without me, don't fall any further for me. We should end this, I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I want." Yet we would never end it but stay in a cycle of things being "okay" while Austin was slowly dying inside and my guilt was eating away at me. I'd spend multiple nights a week at his place, he'd come to church with me every Sunday, we'd go out together and people started asking if we were dating always receiving the same answer "No, he's/she's just my bestfriend" many people knew we were doing a lot more than just being friends but everyone just went along with the lie we were telling even ourselves to keep going. We'd take breaks for a week or two here, me and Lee were still talking sometimes. Austin saw anything I did as cheating while I told him we aren't together so you can do whatever you want. I was trying to keep him a few arms length away, I didn't want to hurt him. From May-January things continued this way. It wasn't all bad but it certainly wasn't all good either. Then in January we had a fight and decided it's be best if we took a break for a few months, Austin thought that was the end of us before we ever truly began. I knew it wasn't but I had to try once more with Lee and I did, only to fail. 3 months had gone by, next to no communication between Austin and I. It was miserable and every time I was with Lee I felt guilty like I was cheating on Austin I'd remind myself that most likely Austin was doing the same thing. He's a charmer and the only time he's ever had whore like tendencies was to cover up his own pain and I knew he was hurting. I could feel him.
Finally we talked again, which ended with him coming to my house for a very awkward short catch up conversation and then he left, we didn't even hug and I wanted to SO badly. So I texted him and we both said how we wanted to hug but it felt weird and we didn't want to make it weirder for each other but he turned around just so we could hug. Boy did we hug. For 15 minutes and I kid you not I was on the verge of orgasming just from his touch, from feeling him again after so long. We kissed each other's necks and eventually his hand wandered down to where he felt how ready I was for him, dripping with anticipation for him to be inside me. He picked me up, took me inside and laid me on my bed. He made love to me, we made love to each other the way we had so many times before but with even more passion after months of being apart. We had met up under the guise of "I miss my friend" so this threw a bit of a wrench in our plans, although we both knew we could never go back to just being friends, not after the last year. So things started again, slowly. We'd drive separately to meet up and just talk, we caught up on the last three months of our lives however painful the details may have been. I raged on the inside with jealously for the women he had been with since we'd been apart but I knew I had no right for I too had been with another. Things were better than they had been before, we acted more like a couple. Truthfully I was through with Lee at this point so I was more ready to give myself to Austin but both of us still scared. After two months of being "back together" he asked me in the early morning on July 2 as I was about to orgasm with him inside me to be his girlfriend. I excitedly said yes as he made me cum then him following shortly behind.
This was not the end of our problems just the beginning of new ones, however now we were together. I am his and he is mine, whatever would come we would face together no matter how hard or blinding it was.
And thus began the relationship that was bound to happen since we were only children.