Letters to Adonis

Chapter:: Four

Dear Adonis,

The next time we saw each other, I was in a dress. It was a flowery one I wore to a wedding or something of a family member. I thought it was appropriate to dress up for my mother, she would love it. Even if she can’t remember me, she would say something about the dress. If even a little part of her was still my mother, which I secretly hoped there was, then she would say something. You ring the doorbell, even though nobody would say anything if you just opened the door.

“Are you ready?” You ask me, a concerned look on your face, probably because my hands are shaking horribly. Not from Parkinson’s, but from being so stupidly nervous.

“Yes, I am. Bye dad, I’ll see you when I get back.” I grab your hand before we are out the door, finding that the shaking stops when our hands are intertwined.

“Do you know where it is?” you ask, and open the passenger car door of an old car. It’s an older truck with no back seats, and I find it cozy.

“Yeah, dad gave me the address.” I tell him before you slam the door to secure it shut. “Did I tell you I don’t have to go to school anymore?” I grin and you do too, and I know I’ve told you before but the news doesn’t get old.

“Yes, but I don’t mind hearing it. It means I won’t be so bored during the days.” You take a hand off the steering wheel and hold my hand.

“What about the shop? What’s your mom going to do without you?” I ask, actually concerned.

“Well, I’ll still have to work a couple of hours. But that’s it. Then we can hang out as much as we’d like to.” We smile at each other as you pull up to the place, and I can feel my hands start shaking as I try to open the door. There’s a trick to opening it apparently, and I blush as you wrap your arms around me and open it yourself, and we both don’t move. “You can do this Ariel.” You whisper, your voice is low and so near that I get goose bumps.

“I know. I appreciate you coming with me though.” I turn towards you and kiss you before getting out, we meet around the front of hold hands until we meet a lady at a desk. I tell her I’m here to see Lara Smiley, and she smiles at me.

“So you’re her daughter? She talks about you when she’s lucid, you guys kind of look alike.” The nurse says politely, and I’m glad she doesn’t ask if I have Parkinson’s too. It’s nice to have something else in common with my mom.

“Yes, I am. I hope she doesn’t remember that this is the first time I’m coming to see her. I’ve been too scared.” I couldn’t tell why I was telling a complete stranger my fear that has already come true, and why should I avoid it now?

“I understand. That’s common here, she’s sitting at the table over there.” I see my mom, Lara, staring blankly at a table.

“Mom?” I question her, I honestly almost forget that you are standing next to me. I look over and you smile reassuringly, and it makes my heart flutter.

She turns her head slowly to look up at me. “Who are you?” she questions politely, and I’m almost too shocked to talk. “Oh, I love your dress sweetie.”

I smile, because I’m right. “My name is Ariel and this is my boyfriend Adonis. Can we sit down?”

“Sure,” she looks back down at her hands and watches them twitch, one looks like they are twitching.

“Are you happy?” I ask her, not knowing what I should call her. I don’t want her to get freaked out if she can’t remember she has a daughter.

“Yes. . . “ she trails off, and she starts looking at her feet. She makes a confused face and wraps her hands around her thighs, which are still shaking, and tries to pull up. “My feet are stuck! I can’t move them! Help me! Please, help me, I can’t move.” She starts crying, and people come over that are in scrubs. She repeats what she says in a higher voice, with more tears and emotions embedded in it. My heart aches as the nurse who led me over here tells me I should leave, because they usually have to put her to bed after an episode like this happens.

~

When we get back to my house, I still haven’t said anything. My dad’s car is gone from the driveway, and I’m glad he went out. I invite you inside, because I still don’t know how I feel about what happened. We walk upstairs to my room and I crack my door so we can hear when my dad is about to come home.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you ask me as we lay down on my bed. You wrap an arm around me and I get comfy, I feel like I can take a nap.

“No.” I say, and my tone sounds too harsh. I close my eyes, trying to tune it out. I wish there was a way I could say that when this progresses, I don’t want to witness it. Wouldn’t that be death though? I didn’t even care about the thought, and I didn’t care to voice it to you. “I like you Adonis. I just can’t say all the things I’m thinking.”

Your arms wrap around me a little tighter, and I wonder if dad will be mad if he sees us laying here. I didn’t feel like getting up and moving to the living room. “I get it, I just don’t know what to say.”

I turn around, and your dark hair is in your eyes and your light blue eyes are so sad looking. Your dimple is obvious even when you have that small frown on your face, and I want it to go away. “Don’t be sad, or worried, I’m fine. We’re fine. I won’t get any worse for a while, I can feel it. It will be okay.” I lean in to kiss you again, and I feel warm and loved and everything good in the world as we get comfier by leaning on each other. By the time we both fall asleep, we are both intertwined.  

Love, Ariel