Was I meant to feel happy?

Not enough

This is going to be really bad this is my first time making one of these
Trigger warning
-eating disorder
-self harm
- self deprecating
- mention of suicide attempt

Izuku POV
"Shit... I'm still alive. I could have sworn that was going to be enough this time."  My body felt so heavy, I couldn't help but notice they way my body felt. It's like the weight of the world was weighing down on me. I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed. I put in my earbuds, the song mama by MCR was blasting, I've completely blocked the world out. 
~~~( this is going to mean a time skip)

I don't know how long I've been laying here... but I glance over and there Todoroki is, I jolted up "hey Todoroki!" I say with my trademark smile plastered on my face, it's all a lie. I wonder how long he's been standing there. "So can I help you with something?" I asked Todoroki "you weren't in class today so I brought you the work you missed" he said portraying no emotion. "Thanks Todoroki!" I said putting the mask on (ok so I know this doesn't make the most sense, but I mean like an emotional mask like he's hiding he's true emotions)

~~~ back to this morning
Todoroki POV
Midoriya is not here? He's always here on time if not early.  "Hey Uraraka have you seen Midoriya today?"
"Sorry Todoroki-Kun I haven't. where do you think he could be?" She replied with a hint of worry.  
Roki- hey Midoriya where are you
Roki- are you ok?
Read 6:56am
Damn Midoriya...

Third person POV
"Does anyone know where Midoriya is?" Aizawa-sensei asked the class, in a see of shaking heads Todoroki raises his hand "he won't answer any text messages" Said Todoroki "alright when class is over will you bring him the work he missed" "of course sensei"
~~~ time skip to after school
Todoroki POV
I'm walking up to Midoriya's dorm and knock on the door. No response. I knocked again but louder. Still no response. Maybe he's just sleeping. I go to open the door, it's unlocked thankfully. I walk in. Midoriya is on his bed with tears streaming down his freckled checks. He hasn't noticed me yet. He looks so sad, this is so different for the Midoriya I know. (Y'all know what happens next)
Izuku Pov
I thanks Todoroki for bringing me my work, and he leaves.
He doesn't care about you
"I know"
You're too fat
"I know"
Everyone would be so much happier if you were dead
I choke back tears "I know"
I walk towards the bathroom. The scale... I step on it, my eyes fixated on the numbers 120IB
Tears well up in my eye to the point i could not see.
I step off the scale and look at a bag knowing what I'm doing next. I grab the small pouch and unzip it and grab the cold, sharp, metallic item. I start to cry, I tear up my skin until I no longer feel anything. The warm dark crimson liquid flowing down my fat stomach (yes I'm aware 120lbs is not fat, in this AU he has body dysmorphia) and my thighs. For awhile I just stand there swaying. I don't know how long I was standing there, but I snapped back to reality "god I'm fat" I say to myself. I go to my closet and pull out some workout clothes "I should go workout and lose some weight" 
~~~~ after working out
I was walking to the kitchen to get some water then it happened... "hey Midobro are you ok" Kirishima asked. I hate that question above all else "yeah why wouldn't I be?" " idk you just look really pale" I try to think of a excuse " oh I just haven't been feeling well lately" "oh well feel better Midobro"
I go take a shower, it burns, all the cuts feel like they are on fire. I finished my shower and put on some casual clothes. I head to the common room, they were all watching /insert movie/ i took an empty spot next to Uraraka-San and Kaminari-Kun
You're taking up too much room fatty
I know
You should just go back to your dorm they won't miss you
I know
I know I shouldn't listen to the voice in my head, but I can't help it. I got up and left to my dorm

Uraraka POV 
He's leaving!?! But he just sat down. I followed him up to his dorm. I knocked on his door "deku-kun I know you're in there, are you ok? You just left" deku opens the door
"oh hey Uraraka-San sorry I just forgot to do something"
Something is off about deku-kun  but I can't put my finger on it.
"Well do you mind if I hang out with you" 
"Actually I was going to go to sleep sorry Uraraka-San"
"Oh ok goodnight deku-kun"

Izuku POV
Why won't everyone just leave me alone
Why are they wasting their time on me
Why...
CONTENT WARNING ~Suicide attempt~
I just want it to be over
I just want it to stop
All this emotion
All of the suffering
All of the pain
Make it stop
Please
I grab the bottles of prescription medication and I took all of it... I don't remember much of what happened after that. all I know is that I woke up, I was so frustrated. I walk down to the common room. Everyone was looking at me with a shocked expression. "What?"
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?" Uraraka asked. I was flooded with similar questions
"Wdym"
Denki speaks up "dude we haven't seen you since Tuesday"
" and?"
"Bro.... It's Friday"
Oh shit was I really out for that long, I don't know what to tell them
" I guess I lost track of time?"
I turn around and go back to my dorm . I walk to the dreaded scale. I hate it, but I can't help myself I have to weigh myself. 113.2lb . I feel relived

So this is where im going to leave it for now im sorry if it was cringy im not very good at this