𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 | ✔️

fifteen

"Liya, you gotta talk to me eventually," Jax told me once again, while standing at the edge of my bed.

"Jax, I already told you, there's nothing to talk about. I'm fine," I responded from under the blanket while turning on my side.

After all the nightmares I've had the past two weeks, I haven't gotten any sleep. Locking myself in my room became a habit and Jax in particular doesn't like that. He comes in the room every morning and tells me the same thing, every single time.

I've been working on trying to be fully comfortable with him but once the night terrors came, that just went down the drain. Jax most likely noticed by now and that's why he's been trying to lift my mood.

Don't get me wrong, I was feeling great at first. But after talking about it, it all came crashing down on me at once. It felt like the ground just crumbled under me and earth swallowed me whole. It was a terrible feeling and it's still there, no matter how much I try to ignore it or block it away.

My days just feel like it's repeating. Wake up, eat, clean, shower, sleep, and repeat. Most of the time, I don't even want to get out of bed, but if I don't then my thoughts just take over. My mind is probably the most dangerous thing in this house right now.

And it's terrifying.

"I'm going to take a bath and I'll come out to eat, okay?" I mumbled, slowly getting out of bed and walking to the dresser.  

"Good," Jax responded, walking out and closing the door behind him.

After I grabbed my clothes, I went to the bathroom and turned on the water. I just wanted to relax, so a bath is what I'm taking. I began undressing, taking a glance at my side then moved my eyes to the scars across my stomach.

It tingled a bit when I gently ran my fingers over them. They trailed down to my waistline and I stopped there before quickly moving my hand away, blinking a few times. I took a deep breath and stepped into the tub, sitting down and leaning back.

I ran my hands through my hair then grabbed the loofah and pouring some body wash onto it. Sitting up a bit more, I gently washed over my body while letting out small sighs of relaxation.

I washed my hair last night, so there was no need to wash it again today. Once I felt clean, I laid back again and let myself soak in the tub for a bit.

We have still have yet to talk to the school about my diploma. I'm honestly scared because I don't want them to tell me I can't get it, due to me not making it to my graduation. Which means, there's a possibility they'll make me redo my senior year online.

I cannot survive another year in high school, even if it is online.

The water drained out of the tub as I pulled the stopper out of the drain. I stood up and grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around my body before stepping out the tub.

A shiver ran through me when the breeze hit my cold body, and I didn't hesitate to dry myself off and throw on my clothes.

Before I pulled my shirt on, I placed another bandage over my scar. It was healing greatly, but you can never be too careful.

I grabbed a sponge and Clorox from under the cabinet then went back to the tub. I ran water again, so I could clean it out. The Clorox burned my nose as I sprayed it across the tub and started to scrub it clean.

I covered my worth when I let out a cough from the chemicals then quickly rinsed out the tub. Once I finished up with the tub, I rung out the sponge in the sink with cold water then left it out to dry.

When I walked out, I left the door open to let the smell air out. I tossed my clothes in the hamper, then moved it to the corner of my room. After that, I started to fix my bed so it was neat when I came back upstairs. My sheets were due for a good wash so I took those off but still placed the pillows neatly on the bed.

Should I wash my blanket too? Might as well.

I stripped the blanket off as well then walked downstairs and went to the laundry room. I tossed everything in the machine then poured a bit of detergent and fabric softener in the desired places. Once I shut it closed, I set the timer and clicked it on.

I shut the door to the laundry room as I walked out, then made my way to the kitchen. The air was blasting, so another chill ran through me, making my body shiver. Jackson wasn't in view when I walked through the house, so he must've still been asleep or something.

Jax was in the kitchen, fixing a plate and I couldn't help but feel bad. He's really trying to help me and all I've done was just push him away. That's not fair to him and I shouldn't be acting this way with him.

When he saw me walk in the kitchen, he handed me a plate while kissing my temple. I went to the island and sat on the stool, beginning to eat when he spoke up.

"I'm sorry for bothering you, Liya. It's just... it's like you've went ghost on us lately," Jax spoke up, looking at me.

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just a lot going through my head right now, Jax," I responded, picking at the food.

"You can always talk to me, Aliya. You don't have to deal with all of this alone at all."

"I know that but even if I talk about it, the thoughts are still going to be there. It's not like it'll change anything," I mumbled, breathing out slowly.

"But it could help. Instead of shutting me out, you could talk to me. I'm your boyfriend, just in case you forgot," he said, turning off the stove then leaning against the counter.

"I didn't forget, Jax. If it was that easy, don't you think we could've had a full conversation about this?"

"I don't know, could we, Aliya? With the way you've been acting lately, it doesn't even feel like we're in a relationship."

"What do you mean the way I'm acting, Jax?"

"First, it's sleeping in the guest room. Secondly, you're barely letting me touch you, let alone be near you. Now, you're just completely shutting me out," he snapped, looking my way again.

"It's for my comfort, Jax. You told me you understood that already," I mentioned, crossing my arms.

"And I do. It'd just be nice to actually feel like I have a girlfriend for once."

"Well, sorry to break it to you but your girlfriend is traumatized! What won't you understand about that?"

"I know that, Aliya! It was hell when you were gone, I went through hell from the second you were taken!"

"You've been through hell? How about you get chained up and beaten like an animal! Then you'll really know what hell is like, Jax!"

I stood up from my seat and slammed the fork onto the plate. When I went to walk upstairs, he grabbed my wrist and on instinct, I turned around and sent a slap to his cheek. My hand snapped back in instant regret as I looked back at him.

"Jax... I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Don't even. Just... I need my space."

With that, he walked out of the house and slammed the door shut, without another word.