how could i ever love alex?

die

tw: mentions of suicide and drinking

this is gonna be a long chapter

————

i havent been myself for these past few days

and i think its because of alex. his drinking habits have been getting worse and worse at this point he doesnt even acknowledge me. im so sick of it.

its gotten to the point where i dont even wanna be .. his?

i dont .. want to be his girlfriend anymore.

and.. my thoughts..

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phone goes straight to voicemail, "alex please .. just talk to me" i pause, "please" i hang up and put the phone down. i immediately run to his room and start getting my things.

if he doesnt want to talk to me then ill just leave.

although, i am truly scared of losing alex i just cannot deal with this anymore. especially when his fans dont know anything about whats going on. i honestly think its better for me to leave and let him do this on his own. its not like he needs me anyways.

and so i leave

i have all my things ready why cant i just leave?

is there an invisable wall in the doorway? i cant seem to leave.

m-my vision .. whats going on?

and as soon as my vision goes completely dark; im passed out.

————

"oh my god thank god your alive" i recongnize the voice.

"w-what? whats going on?" i start pushing myself upwards

"you're okay, you are going to be okay" alex reasures me

i immediatly slap myself to reality and get to the point.

"why are you here so suddenly, alex?" i say frustrated. he hasnt been here for so long and suddenly he cares so fucking much about me. its nothing. plus theres no fucking way i would die. not like this either way. when did he get here? how long have i been asleep for?

"look mel.. i know i havent just just- .. life isnt the best right now and all i do is-" he stops while i interrupt

"drink. all you fucking do is drink alex" i scream and stand myself up

"are- are you leaving?-" he pauses "me?"

"yes alex i am. i am leaving"

"you cant leave!" he screams. i get back a few feet as if someone just pushed me. i am not dealing with this right now. i was trying to leave until this happened. why couldnt i just leave??

"why the hell not alex?" i ask

"please dont leave me!"

i take a deep breath

dont give him chances, hes broken them all. leave hes not worth your precious time

time.

"alex.. let go of me." i cry

"why melanie?" he asks

what do you mean why??

"you, alex, its YOU. you're the reason im leaving. i thought we would be perfect together alex! you know, we'd get married be happy and we'd- we would have kids." i pull myself together, "if you didnt start drinking, none of this would had had happened!! you have ruined it all" i completely let go of his strong grip and go towards the door once again.