Reflection (One-shot)

Reflection

Disclaimers:
- I do not own any characters in this story, all rights regarding Doctor Who are BBC's.
- I do not own the fanart on the cover, all credit goes to the original artist.

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AN: Hey, this is a one-shot ficlet, I hope you enjoy! I might turn this into a collection of Doctor Who one-shots if people like it, so please feel free to leave comments! Constructive criticism and recommendations are always appreciated!

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"Did you know?"

"Know what, sweetie?"

The Doctor swallowed another bite of his food before answering.

"Did you know that I loved you?" He motioned to the restaurant balcony and the Singing Towers that laid beyond. "Before all of this?"

River, who was caught off guard by the question, took a sip of wine. Stalling. She was silent for another moment, thinking about how easy - but hypocritical, after all, River had been the one telling the Doctor be honest with her - it would be to lie.

"I had always hoped." She knew he'd feel guilty - some things would never change - but he deserved the truth. And that was the truth.

One regeneration had vastly changed him, and River found herself loving this Doctor even more than the last. She loved all of his regenerations, but this old, Scottish, sentimental, forward Doctor was undoubtedly her Doctor. He didn't steer clear of emotional talks as frequently; he didn't pretend to not see the hard parts of her life. She was learning to do the same. He had grown so much from his younger, hyperactive, and child-like self.

But above all, River loved him for being open about his feelings. He came off as grumpy, sure, but he didn't hide his tells from her as often. She never could've imagined hearing "I love you" from her old husband. Now, her Doctor said it as much as he thought she needed - or wanted - to hear it. River positively adored him for that, the sentimental idiot.

She still had her doubts, the insecurities she felt about the foundation of their relationship would last as long as she would. But having 24 years to spend with the man she loved was good enough to put her at ease, at least for the most part.

"Hoped... I was such an idiot, I am such an idiot." The Doctor's words snapped River out of her own thoughts and back towards the man in front of her. He was massaging his temples and glaring at the table, dinner completely forgotten.

River laughed with a carefully crafted levity in her voice. She knew no one else was permitted on the balcony, but she couldn't shake her uneasy feeling. If this conversation had to happen, she wished it were on the TARDIS. "Maybe, but you're my idiot sweetie."

The Doctor looked up, annoyed, eyebrows furrowing even further. "I'm being serious River."

She shrugged, and took another sip of wine. "Me too."

He slammed his fist down on the table, silverware and plates clinking together. River's eyes widened, she hadn't been expecting that. If he had spilled wine on her dress, she would've been furious.

"How can you be so calm about that?"

River softened, his words were filled with regret and remorse. She didn't want to spend another evening ignoring her own feelings in favor of his, she'd done enough of that with his last regeneration. But she loved him too much not to try comforting him.

"It didn't and doesn't bother me. I was content just knowing that you accepted the fact that I loved you. I'd hoped for more, but I didn't expect anything." She sighed. That was mostly true, but maybe not completely. It had bothered her after a while, but she'd tried to accept it. "Maybe a part of me still thought of you as a raging mad God that I'd temporarily tamed. You can't expect a god to love you."

"I will never understand you, River Song."

She laughed. "I hope not, imagine how boring that would be."

"What a fool I was; a young, ignorant idiot. Thinking that if I never got close to you, I wouldn't fall in love with you. That it wouldn't hurt when we inevitably had to say goodbye. It's a miracle you loved me at all with how careless I was."

River smiled sadly. "Careful. That's my husband you're talking about."

The Doctor just looked back at her with a pained expression. "You deserve so much better than me, River."

She just shook her head. "I didn't - and don't - deserve you at all sweetie."

He nodded, and she felt her hearts fall into the pit of her stomach. Surely he wasn't that tone deaf to agree with her.

"I'm sure I made you believe that, huh? How did it take me this long to understand?"

She felt her hearts swell with relief. "Well, wise isn't exactly a word I'd use to describe your last regeneration my love."

"Besides," she tacked on after a second, "I'm just grateful you do understand. At least, as much as you possibly can."

The Doctor stared at her, emotions whirling in his eyes that she couldn't quite pick out. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, my River."

River smirked. "You sure don't. Aren't you lucky that I stick around?"

She expected a playful retort, but he simply smiled at her.

"Yes," he said softly, his eyes creasing with his smile. "After all, I love you."

River closed her eyes, savoring his words. She was going to make the most of these 24 years, no matter what. If this truly was the only time they had left, she wasn't going to let him waste it on feeling insecure. Not when he'd grown so quickly. She adored him too much for that.

"I love you too, sweetie."