Violet Adrenaline [Watty Awards 2013]

Chapter 9: Overdose Is The Least Of Your Worries

When I was a young girl I would make my mother check under my bed and in my closet for monsters and although none ever appeared I always thought that one day they would. Today I realised the monsters had always been their just not how I'd thought of them. The monsters were the weaknesses inside of us, the weaknesses that made us self harm or overdose on pills. They were the little voice in our head screaming 'you're worthless' or 'kill yourself'. They were the real monsters, not the images of purple spiked dragons or slimey goo blobs we saw in our childhood cartoons or picture books.

A piece of me was torn away from me as I saw my mothers pasty, white body lying in that hospital bed, the only thing keeping her alive were the needles piping blood in to her system and the machine keeping track of her heart beat rate.My chest clench as my eyes layed on the red stained bandage wraped around her head. 

 A lovely nurse named Kelly had informed me that they had pumped her stomach but had not yet been able to woken her up. They said that she was unconcious when they found her. Kelly said that she had fractured her skull, they assumed that she had fallen down and hit her head on the floor. I wept quitely into the side of Declan's muscly arm, soaking his shirt in my tears once again as Kelly told me that my mother would most likely have brain damage, she told me that before I came in my mother had undergone a CT scan but they would not have the results of the tests for another day or two. But the tears really began to pour from my eyes when Kelly explained that my mother had been rushed straight into surgery when she had been brought in and that the surgeon had to remove some small bone fragments to minimize brain swelling.

Kelly left shortly after that assuring us that the doctors had reacted immediately and knew how to do their job well. She said my mother's blood pressure, body temperature, heart rate and breathing seemed normal and that my mother had a good chance of pulling through this.

Declan sat down on one of the plastic chairs that was identical to the one that was sitting in the corner of my makeshift hospital room. He extended his arm in my direction, I eyed him curiously before I gave him a small half smile and took his hand in mine. He pulled me onto his lap and let out a small, husky laugh. I giggled softly in response and settled myself down on to his lap so that my legs were swung over his thighs to the right so that I could watch my mother. It wasn't like I thought that watching her and wishing for her too wake up  would actually wake her up but I wanted to watch her to make sure her chest was moving up and down steadily, I needed to know that she was breathing.

"It's going to be okay Hazel," Declan whispered in my ear softly.

I stared him in the eyes, with a sad frown on both of our faces I asked, "Do you really think so?"

"Yes, Yes I do Hazel. You just have to be optimistic." A tear ran down Declan's sun-kissed tanned skin and I delicately wiped it away with the back of my hand before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. Declan held on to my waist tightly with his left arm and with his other hand he stroked my hair delicately until I was lulled into a deep sleep.

I was woken up by the sound of rushed voices and thumping boots on the hard concrete floor. Declan was pulling me up from our position on the hard, plastic chair. The doctors were telling us to get out of the room and I lazily followed Declan outside, I plonked down in one of the chairs in the waiting room.

"What's going on?" I asked Declan drowsily, I still hadn't quite woken up from my sleepy state yet. I rubbed my eyes with my fists before finally letting myself concentrate on Declan.

 "Your mom woke up a second ago and they wanted us to get out of the way, I guess they needed to do some more tests, make sure she's okay before anybody can see her," Declan said calmly. I wasn't calm though, how could I be calm when my mother had just woken up in the hospital with possible brain damage and the stupid, stupid doctors wouldn't even let me in the same room as her!?

"What? I have to get in their, how are you so calm about this!?" I screamed at Declan. I was now no longer sitting in the chair, I was pacing nervously around the room. Sweat was forming on my forehead from stress and I hastly wiped it off my head with my palm.

"Because if we go rushing in their than something might go wrong. We'll just get in the way Hazel," Declan explained.  

'Okay." I sighed in defeat and plopped myself down in the seat next to Declan's. I leaned my head against Declan's shoulder and he held my hand in his, rubbing circles with his thumb against my palm. 

"Do you think we'll be able to work as friends?" I thought aloud, I had been thinking about it to myself but all of a sudden I had felt the need to just ask him.

"What do you mean?" he asked me.

"I know you feel it too. We have a strong romantic connection towards each other. I felt it that first day  met, I felt myself being drawn in your direction. I've tried to deny it for so long but I feel this electric connection every time you touch me and I know you feel it too," I admitted.

"I do Hazel. Everytime I see you I can't help but fall a little harder for you," Declan admitted.

I didn't say anything. Nothing could be said to make that moment more perfect, exact maybe if it wasn't in the hospital worrying if my mother was going to die or not. So instead I clasped both my hands to the side of his face and brought his lips down to mine, kissing him softly at first but our kisses then grew passionate and animal. Before I could gain the sense to stop, Declan pulled me in to his lap. I wrapped my legs around the back of his waist, he had to mmove forward in the chair so that I could fit my legs behind him. He placed his hands on the small of my back and drew me closer, deepening the kiss.

My hands had just began to run up his stomach before a limping old man with a walking stick cleared his throat and I jumped in surprise, I quickly scramble off of Declan's lap and back in to my own seat. Declan laughed huskily and took my hand back in to his.

We sat silently for a while, the only place we touched was our hands but that felt like enough. A doctor came out of the room after a while and told us we could re-enter the room. Declan thanked the doctor and hand-in-hand we walked into mmy mothers hospital room.

Mom lay in her bed like she did the last time I saw her. She gave us a small smile as we made our way to the bed. Her face had gotten some of her colour back and she looked more alive than dead now.

"I'm so sorry," mom mumbled to me.

"It's okay mom," I assured her. I placed my hand on the side of her bed and smiled down at her.

"I just felt so alone." A tear fell down her cheek and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. Mom noticed my bandages as I did this but she didn't ask. She didn't have to, she knew exactly how I felt. We had both dealt with it in a different way but our ultimatum was the same.

A knock on the door sounded and the same doctor from before which I now saw was named Ashley. "Can I speak to you?" Ashley asked me.

"Okay," I replied. 

I began to pull Declan along with me but Ashley shook her head, " Just you," she informed me.

I dropped my hand from Declan's and followed Ashley out in to the waiting room. "What's up?" I asked her.

"Your mother has a intracranial injury, or to simplify it a traumatic brain injury," Ashley began. " You know we've taken CT scans but their is the chance that your mother could be permanently brain damaged."

"But she doesn't look like anything's wrong," I replied.

"The side effects are sometimes not always evident at the beginning but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have it, I'm so sorry but I just needed you too be aware that it's a possibility. I didn't want you to get your hopes up," Ashley explained.

"Okay" I mumbled softly. I made my way back into my mothers room with a frown on my face, I grabbed Declans hand for comfort and stared down at my mother praying and hoping that she would be okay.