my winter bear

Chapter 3: Cool and Cute?

No fucking way. He must be kidding me. He is V. Why didn't he say anything? I felt so dumb and stupid. That's why he didn't want me to check how V looked like.

I opened google and typed his name. There were so many videos and photos of him. I was scared to watch videos. Was it stalking if I watch videos and photos of him? Actually no. He was an artist. It was normal to google him. I spent for sure more than 30 minutes with his photos. Taehyung has a strong duality. On some photos he looked cute. On other photos he looked hot and sexy. This Taehyung was completely different than the one I got to know today. He looked so dangerous on most of the photos. He was dangerous for sure. A man who could do both - cute and hot - was dangerous.

I clicked on the video 'Boy with Luv'. It was my favorite song of BTS. The first member I got to see was him with blue hair. His tongue. This wasn't necessary. He looked stunning. His voice was deep. I had goosebumps on every inch of my body. I had the same feeling few hours ago when he wiped away the sauce of my lip and licked his finger. I didn't know what I should think of this feeling I had now. The video ended and the next would played in 10 seconds. It called 'Singularity' by V live. Oh no, a live version. WHAT was he doing? Why did he lay on the bed and look so seductive into the camera lens? Hallelujah. I paused the video. I couldn't watch it. This was too much for me. His voice was expremely deep in this video. I wasn't sure if he really wanted to spent the next day with me or if he made a joke. How should I look in his eyes, when I know how he could look at me? What if he looked at me like he looked in the camera when he was performing? Other people would turn red like a tomato. Thanked god I wouldn't. But I still had a weird feeling about him.

Should I text him, that I know he was V? It was really embarrassing for me. Usually when I found celebrities I like, I google them immediately. I always bingewatched music videos, live performances, interviews etc. But I didn't had time to search up BTS in the last two months.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're V?" I texted him. I had to. Otherwise I couldn't sleep. It was already 23:26 o'clock. He must be sleeping. I wanted to put my phone away as I heard the message tone. It was a message from him.

"Where's the fun then?" FUN? It wasn't funny at all. Cool, that it was funny for him but for me it was embarrassing. To be honest I didn't want to see him tomorrow. I couldn't look in his eyes or in his face. He would make fun of me.

"FUN? It's wasn't funny." I response back. I should ignore him like I always did with people. I ignore or block them. It always ended like this. I usually get annoyed easily, so blocking was the best option.

"Yes, it was funny. You were so cute. You didn't know anything. I wanted that you figure it out by yourself. What's your opinion of me now?" This guy is direct. Who would ask 'What did you think of me now?'. I was also a direct person but I would be too shy to ask something like that. He wanted to play. Ok, then let the game begins.

"How I think about you? You're cute on stage and your voice is cool." It was a big lie. He was more than cute on stage. He is totally different on stage. In a positive way of course. He looks very dominant, playful and hot. I could never tell him all those things, especially not that he was hot. Never ever.

"That's it?"
"Yes."

"Oh okay." That was it. This was a short message from him. Only two words. I chased him away like I always did with men. What should I response now? It was better to not write back. I didn't know what to say to him. Better I wrote nothing than bullshit. I muted my phone, put it away and made myself ready to sleep.

Instead of sleeping I thought about him. I recalled the dinner with him. I thought about how I felt about him when I saw him in the vinyl store. After I left the store something changed. Why did he came out and gave me the vinyl? He said he wanted the vinyl, it was the reason he came to london. The main question is why did he want to eat dinner with me. I wasn't nice to him. Actually I was arrogant. I was a bitch. And he wanted to see me again. Why?