Someday when you leave me || bxb

Chapter Seven

*Jay's Point of View*

A week went by and it was as if nothing had happened at all. Yes, things were a bit awkward but not awkward enough for it to be concerning.

Like when our hands would accidentally brush one another we would both recoil a second too quickly. Awkward, but to be expected. 

Waking up late had become a thing for me again. Waking up alone was something that took getting used to. I'm not sure how I managed to wake up before Preston when I stayed the night, I'm not sure how I managed to wake up that early every day. Maybe it was like when you woke up thinking you missed an alarm. Or like when you had something to do in the morning and you think you overslept. Maybe it was something like that. 

Two weeks had past and so had the awkwardness. I am beyond grateful. I'm glad that our friendship hadn't ended when our "friends with benefits" thing had. 

I realized there was definitely something more there, for me anyway. When I saw him with Christina I experienced physical sickness. I'm not even being dramatic. It feels like how I imagine appendicitis would feel.

I even went to the nurse once because of it. She laughed and sent me off with crackers. 

When it kept happening I had taken research into my own hands and learned what appendicitis even was and registered I was stupid and if it was appendicitis it would hurt way more. 

I also deducted it was just anxiety and a tad bit of maybe jealousy that would wear off with time.

Somehow along my research, I took three "Am I gay?" quizzes which basically told me I was. And you know what maybe I am. 

I've never even really been interested in a girl. I had a girlfriend for like two days once but that was only because Preston's at the time girlfriend had set us up and my mom just thought it was so adorable to have a double-date in a bowling alley. Where I twisted my ankle and I thought it was broken so my mom took me to the hospital only for them to recommend ice. And Kendra (the girl) had dumped me because I was "being a wuss". 

So needless to say that was the worst date ever and I was like fourteen so it doesn't really count anyway. 

But even looking up "Am I gay quizzes" was an indicator I was. Straight people probably don't do that. And when the questions were "have you ever been sexually attracted to a member of the same sex" and I put yes but put no for "have you ever been sexually attracted to the opposite sex" it was telling. When other questions were "have you ever been in love with a member of the same sex" and I put maybe and then no for "have you ever been in love with a member of the opposite sex" it was pretty obvious.

As Florence would say, "the closet is glass at this point". Meghan would say something like "that's gay." And it was. I was. I am. . . gay.