Someday when you leave me || bxb

Chapter Six

*Preston's Point of View*

Dinner was a train wreck. 

Christina told my parents she was my girlfriend. I had expected it, sure, but now we actually were. And it left a sort of guilty feeling in my gut. 

My parents had not been surprised, they didn't really care much. I've had girlfriends before, many in fact. I was on the football team and kind of popular and I guess I'm kind of attractive so getting a girlfriend has never been difficult. My mom and dad had always had a certain image of me that I was a jock ladies man who would peak in high school and the early years of college only to be bald by forty working in one of their many offices with two kids and a trophy wife. 

I like football and I'm good at it. They just don't think I'm good enough for it to be a serious career option. Meaning I was destined to be miserable. When I'm on the field it's like nothing else matters and I can just be. I can just exist running, winning. It's the best feeling in the world. But it's not good enough for them so I'll end up behind a desk defending guilty shitty rich people from crimes they deserve to be imprisoned for.

During dinner, they talked about school and how they couldn't wait for me to get into Stanford and carry on the family legacy. Somehow they ended up in a mass discussion, more of an argument about how artistic professions won't get you anywhere. 

Christina has always wanted to be an artist. She's always wanted to travel the world and paint random people off the street. Maybe even publish a book. She had a lot of goals. And while any sane person would limit themselves to just one Christina had many and when it came from her it was better to just believe it because if you didn't you'd end up like my parents, well more my mom, at the dinner table. Red as tomatoes arguing with a seventeen years old about whether or not she would be homeless.

"Can we just stop, please," I yelled. "God, you are arguing with someone less than half your age, grow up." 

"Excuse me?" My mom said. I wasn't scared of my mom I just didn't like confrontation I didn't like being yelled at or even yelling at anyone else at all. But I couldn't let whatever was happening to continue. 

"Nothing but can you both just calm down." 

"Yes," my mom responded she looked sorry, embarrassed. "I'm sorry Christina."

"I'm sorry to Mr. and Mrs. Winston," Christina said with a smile, probably fake.

And they just both started laughing. Giggling. My dad just took another sip of wine and looked at me like what the hell was all that. 

My mom and Christina are actually really similar. I can't believe I have only just noticed. 

Now, laying in bed I can't sleep. Around this time yesterday, Jay was giving me a blow job. I had just given him one and after recovering he insisted to return the favor. Jay's good like that. 

Stop thinking about Jay.

I can't. It just doesn't feel the same, kissing Christina. Kissing Jay is like being on one of those rollercoasters that go all the way up and fall really fast. The stomach-dropping, the thrill, the being scared in a way but just wanting to do it over and over again. Being with Jay is different every time, I see him and it's like the first time ever seeing him, ever seeing anyone. 

Remember when I said that being on the field is the best feeling in the world. I lied. Jay is. Seeing him, feeling him, being with him, that is the best feeling in the world. 

I know what you're thinking, that I'm gay and in love with my best friends but I'm not. I'm not. I'm not gay and sure I love Jay. He's my best friend. But I'm not in love with him. And besides, even if I was it's not like I would ever pursue it. He wouldn't like me back.

Plus I can't be gay, I like Christina. I might be bi or pan or omni. But I'm not. I'm straight, I don't like men.

Sure, I have found men attractive in the past like Jay, Ryan Renolds, Evan Mock, Chris Evans, Timothe Chalamet, Michael B Jordan, and Zayn Malik. But can you blame me? How can you look at any of those men and say they aren't at least a little bit hot. But that doesn't mean I'm gay, I just have eyes. 

Ugh but straight people don't make out with their best friends every night for two months. Straight people probably don't spend hours upon hours trying to convince themselves that they are straight. Straight people don't picture boys while kissing girls. 

The truth is I'm not sure if I like men or if I would date one. I would date Jay, it's easy to imagine it. Going to the movies, holding hands in the hallways, going to parties together, having dinner with my parents, picnics in the park, all the other cliche things. I can picture myself doing them with him but what if it's just because he's my best friend and because we've already done all of those things, as friends of course but still. 

But I like girls. I would date a girl. I am right now. Jay doesn't matter anymore, not romantically anyway, he's still my best friend, he'll always be my best friend but I need to stop thinking about him as anything more because I kissed Christina, I asked Christina to the dance, and she already told my parents we were dating so we are. 

I need to stop thinking about Jay. Jay's neck, Jay's shoulders, Jay's hair, Jay's smile, Jay's eyes, Jay's abs, Jay's dick. . . I practically throw myself off my bed. 

"I need a shower," I mumble to myself lightly. 

It doesn't work, well it did because my half boner went away but I'm still thinking about Jay. What I need is to get him out of my system. I just need to kiss him one last time, hold him one last time. See him one last time in that way. And that's it I'll never think of him that way again.