Blind Channel - Oneshots & Imagines

Restless - Joel Hokka (comfort, sfw)

You noticed it got worse again once your boyfriend was already laying awake next to you every time you opened your eyes in the morning.

Joel would greet you with the same silent "Hey there." as always, yet the little smile he gave you could not conceal the tired look in his eyes.

The blonde one would look at you through his half-shut eyelids and you couldn't help but wonder if the dark circles under his eyes really got darker everytime you woke up next to him or if your worried mind just played a trick on you.

You knew that it would start again, that it would get worse now from every night on until his band would hit the road for a few weeks.

Joel's insomnia affected him a lot more than he'd like to admit to himself, to you or to anyone for that matter, partly because his sleep disorder brought along a lot of negative thoughts and irrational fears his mind would torture him with, constantly.

As much as your boyfriend tried to hide this state of mind from you at first, you were quite observant and quickly noticed the little signs indicating that his lack of sleep was in fact becoming a serious problem.

The little pauses Joel occasionally started to make between his sentences and his controlled tone of voice were the first signs you noticed. For you it seemed like he was afraid the words that so cautiously came from his lips would slip from his mind any second, leaving him wordless, not knowing what to say next.

More noticeable however was how restless and quickly upset Joel got during the last few days and weeks. Sometimes when you came home from work you found him strolling through your apartment, mindlessly rambling about how bothered he was by anything and everything at this point until he noticed you behind him and fell silent.

He would yell at you out of nowhere at times, just because of the smallest inconvenience that caused his bundle of nerves to rip, the tiredness constantly keeping the man on edge.

You could see that the blonde one was in a lot of guilt and hurt once he realized he snapped at you, again. "I'm sorry, I promised you I'll better myself." Joel would say while dragging the palms of his hands down his cheeks in desparation.

Although you winced everytime your boyfriend raised his voice at you, you weren't mad at him and you showed your understandingness for his situation by sofly running your fingertips along his hairline, almost feeling all the confusing and upsetting thoughts that were rushing through his mind non stop.

His mind was constantly about to overflow, nearly drowning in all those thoughts that kept the man awake.

It caused you emotional pain that whenever you two went to bed you knew that he would lie awake all night, twisting and turning, agressively trying to reposition the blanket until he would just lay there on his back, eyes facing the ceiling.

It hurt you that he had to go through all of this alone while you were peacefully sleeping next to him.

Yet everytime you woke up because he made a noise slightly too loud for your ears or a movement that was big enough to reach your consciousness, he immediately ordered you to go back to sleep, not accepting that you layed awake with him one minute more than necessary.

All he would allow you were the few seconds it took for you to snuggle up to him and pull him close, hoping that feeling your warm presence would mirically cause the vocalist to fall asleep next to you.

When you would wake up a few hours later however, you knew that he hadn't closed his eyes for one second, although he tried to fight the state of constantly being awake and restless with all his power.