our secret moments

chapter eight

Frances

I stand there, completely still. I contemplate knocking, what's the worst that could happen? She could think I'm crazy. I am not, I'm not crazy. It just that-that I slept good with her. I slept for the first time in weeks.

Kevin followed me here. I figured out the slytherin password, it is; "beat it, gryffindor". Classy.

"Oh, hi." Blaise Zabini says. He's wearing expensive looking dark green pyjamas. He looks tired, too.
"Hi." I say. "She left her- her book in class." I say trying not to stutter.
"Don't you hate her?" He raises his brow. His face is so beautiful, I think to myself.
"Yes, I do. Snape forced me." I shrug, knowing it's a full on lie.
"And you know the password?" He crosses his arms. He looks so put together, and wealthy. I mean he is, but he looks it, too. But I don't, I feel I look gross, not put together.
"I'm a ravenclaw."
"Fair." Then he just leaves me, no further questions.

"You should knock!" He yells as he walks. That makes me smile, only a little bit. He's pleasant, I can see why she likes him.

And I do just that, I knock. She yells; "Go away Zabini!" As he gets closer to the door. I hear her hard footsteps.

She yawns, then notices me. "Oh, hi." She says, pulling her shirt down a little, flattening the fabric.
"Hi." Kevin rubs his head on her pant leg, I guess he likes her. I wish I could say the same, I really do.

"What are you doing here?" She asks, arms crossed.
I shrug. "You know, I was in the neighbourhood, and thought I'd stop by."
She smiles. "Funny, aren't you?"
"Mhm." My lips are in a line.
She sighs. "Nice cat."
"Thanks." I look down at him, and he meows in response. I smile a little. I love him so much.

"So..?" She rocks back and forth on the heels.
I give a big sigh. "I wanted to thank you, you know, for taking care of me."
"Ahh, ok. Good night then." She starts to close the door, Kevin returns to my side.
"Good night, Flora." She closes the door. I wish me saying my nickname for her would signal something to her.

But it doesn't.

I stand there dumbfounded, as always. When it comes to her, I'm a mess. It's best being enemies, it's easy. I don't get hope, hope that she might like me some day. I would do unspeakable things to go back to how things were before. Before her father and my gran died, before Hogwarts.

I get my hopes up every time she lets me kiss her lips, I love the intimacy. Kissing her stupid face feels so wrong, and so good. It hurts so good.

I wish I knew what she really thought of me, if hatred is all she feels for me. I really wish I knew.

I turn to go, I walk a couple of steps. And then, she opens her door.

"You remembered, Viola." She says, standing in the hall, arms crossed over her chest.
"Mhm, of course." I turn.
"Ok."
"Ok." We both stand there, a few meters apart.

"I saw Zabini."
"Oh, yeah. He like to tell me about his wild dreams." She explains.
"Okay." I sigh. "I can't sleep."
"I can tell." She says. She studies my face. "Why do you have a bag with you?"
I panic on the inside, but I calmly say; "No reason."
I can tell she doesn't believe me. "Do you want a cup of tea?"
"I suppose." I cross my arms, too.
She walks towards me. "Come."

I follow out to the common room, she pulls out an enchanted pot of hot water and a couple of tea bags. She gets cups from a cupboard.

We sit down in the leather sofas, next to the green fireplace.
She hands me a cup of tea.
"Why I your fringe so long?" She curls up in the sofa opposite of me.
I shrug. "I'm growing it out." I got told I didn't suit a fringe.
"It's a shame." She says, and takes a sip of tea.
"Why did you help me?" I ask.
Her eyebrows furrow. "Just because I don't like you, doesn't mean I want you to die."
"Ok." I say.

We sit there in silence, drinking our green tea. She looks at me, I look at her. Kevin is by my side, sleeping. Pansys legs are curled up under her, her hair is messy. She looks nice, she isn't ugly, I will admit. She's always had this thing that draws me in, maybe it is her eyes? Her mouth? Her face, in general?

She use to be a person whom I could not pull my eyes off, whom I could not stop talking to. Until she made me feel rejected, unworthy. Then, she became a person I did not look at, if I did, it was to shoot her a disgusted look.

She looks at me with such intrigue. Her eyes scan me, like she's seeing me for the first time. Her gaze goes to my hand, where I have lots of rings. I guess I didn't take them off.
She studies them, especially the one she gave me, and the one next to it.

"Is it your grans?" She asks about the small silver ring, with small blue rhinestones lining the whole band.
"Yes, I inherited it."
She nods. "Why are you wearing the green ring? I mean you're in ravenclaw."
I can tell she tries to pretend it's not from her, but we both know it is. "I like green, and it was a gift. From the same person who told my sister to check up on me. I wonder who it was."
She shrugs. "I don't know." I know she's lying, it's clear on her face. My sister said it was from someone with a flowery name. Viola. Pansy.

"It's late." I say as I put my cup down in the dark wooden table.
"Yes. Ehm, we should sleep." I gets up and collects the cups, and sets them down on a different table.
"Goodnight." I say, getting up, taking my sleeping cat with me.
"Goodnight."

I wish she had asked me to stay, I wish I had asked, but I did sleep that night, I slept.