In Too DeepㅣJENLISA

Chapter 14

Under the clogged with darkness night, accompanied only by the crackling sounds of the chill burn and the small harmless bugs, stood Jennie and Lisa comfortably nestled around the campfire in complete silence.

"Lisa?" Jennie spoke out of nowhere.

A quiet hum escaped Lisa's throat in response as she continued gliding the sharp blade of her knife against the rough surface of a branch she found, peeling off the bark along with whole pieces of wood. They fell in a small pile by her legs before being thrown in the fire as an additional source of fuel.

"What we talked about earlier..." Jennie hesitantly continued. "Was Rosé with you on the plane? Is she-"

"She's not dead, I traveled alone. She and the group I was supposed to spend the week with were already in Brazil before me. Why are you asking?"

"It's just- this thought has been running in my head and, even though everything I told you about her earlier, I still like and respect her as a person and the news of her death surely won't be something that will make me feel good"

"I appreciate that you care for her, really"

Jennie nodded with a tiny smile. "Are you two still hanging out?"

"You can say that. I've been quite busy lately so we haven't had the chance to go out much, but I think we have become even closer since last year. She spent a lot of time around, helping me and taking care of me after everything between us happened"

"She's a great friend"

"Yeah. But that's all she is - a friend" Lisa said with a flat voice, not sparing her company a single glance.

"I'm sorry about that. You are right, whatever happened before and after me is none of my business. You are not mine to keep anymore but a grown-up and free to date whoever you want"

"Absolutely, even though, as I already said, nothing has ever happened between me and her"

Jennie stared at the soles of her shoes and kept fidgeting with her fingers on her lap. "But do you want to?"

Lisa glanced at her with the tip of her eye. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I have already accepted me and you would never have what we had before. I fucked it up too badly for it to be fixed. Earlier you said that you couldn't catch feeling for her because you loved me, but now that all you have for me is hate, I think those hidden feelings may have finally resurfaced"

Lisa's hands stilled on the branch and her jaw clenched. She dreaded how right Jennie was with this statement because she indeed did catch feelings for the blonde after the breakup, even though it was nothing that could ever compare to what she felt for the brunette woman. However, that was not something she was going to confess.

"I don't have only hate for you," Lisa said with a sigh as she continued her work, ignoring the elephant in the room. 

"It indeed seems like you do, though"

"It's really complicated, Jennie. You broke my heart in the most horrible for me way, right in front of my eyes, exactly on my birthday. You can't expect me to just give in to my feelings and forgive you so easily. It's expected that I would hate you for that, but that's doesn't mean that's all I feel towards you"

"Do you still love me?" Jennie asked in a rather unenthusiastic tone, knowing that the answer to that question would always stay negative.

"There is no heartbreak without love"

The answer to her question didn't exactly come clear to the brunette. Did Lisa mean that she had been hurt in the past because she loved her girlfriend, or she rather meant that she was still hurting because that same love was still stored somewhere in her heart to this day? Jennie wondered.