jongsang | scent

06

YEOSANG'S HEADSPACE

[filler chapter]

lately, i've been thinking about jongho a lot. we've spent many weeks together. but i feel like a burden. i feel like he doesn't want me there. he invites me to every event and he goes together with his friends as well. i know he's just trying to make me feel better. he didn't have to. although i still would be doubting every single thing. i'm just delusional, aren't i..? i cant just keep thinking jongho will always be there for me. sometimes i have to do things by myself. i know i can't be too dependent on others. but to gain at least 2% of confidence, i need jongho.

for a boy who's parents are still arguing non-stop to this day and no one to take care of me, i still have the urge to stick to someone close. you may think, shouldn't you have been independent till this day?

well, no. i really want someone to be there for me. it's the only way i can be independent. i need someone to sweep me up from the ground and get me back up. and jongho did most of that hard work for me. i decided i shouldn't be so clingy. i would probably be a bother towards jongho and his friends. who am i to get involved in their friend group..? i can't possibly fit in. they probably hate me. i'm always going everywhere with jongho that i'm doubting if i have separation anxiety or something. but it can't be.

if not, i would still be hanging on to my parents right now.

speaking of my parents, they never really cared to look for me. i bet they're still arguing as if there was no tomorrow. i don't even want to call them. never in my life do i want to hear their awful, dreadful, voices again.

during the months of school, jongho and i would always take his motorbike to school. it was already a regular routine. till now, he still calls me yeo. and my heart pounds like a wild animal being chased all over the place whenever i hear the name. and his cologne. the signature cologne he wears almost everyday. the scent of him itself already made me feel safe. when i smell it, i can always feel his presence. how can he not get sick of me..?