Inky's Collection of Shorts

Dear, You

inspired greatly by Saw (SawVvV)

It's been nearly a year since I last saw you.

I think it would be easier on me if you didn't say anything on that last day, but my luck isn't that good. I know we live somewhat close together, but I have yet to see your house, even though you know mine better than anything.

I remember the last day like it was just yesterday.

***

It is Friday. I wait by your locker like I usually do, watch as you walk down the hall towards me. Usually, it is you that gets your stuff together before I do, waiting for me, not the other way around. But today is different. Finally, I am first.

I can't help but smile as you get closer. You give me that relaxed grin of yours, but it disappears as a thought strikes your mind. You say you can't walk home with me today. I say that it's okay, that I understand, because honestly, what else can I say? I'm already beginning to dread the lonely walk, despite knowing that it'll be short, when you speak up.

"I'll walk with you on Monday. I promise."

But Monday doesn't come. At least, not the way that you expect it to. Instead, Monday becomes the first official day of quarantine. Monday becomes the beginning of it all.

***

I see you twice over the last bit of the school year and through the summer break. The first time is from afar, and though there's quite a bit of distance, I recognize you in an instant. As I get closer, I have to remind myself to breathe. But it doesn't matter, because you don't even see me.

The second time is worse. I find myself face-to-face with you on the pathway heading towards my house. You say hello like you usually do. I nod and manage a response, but it is barely decent. I don't think you notice, but I certainly do.

***

The next set of courses start up. I decide to go online. We just talk to each other usually, so I don't know any of your socials. No way of contact. I resolve to figure out a way around this.

Despite me being at home, I get up half an hour earlier than usual. As I wait for my classes to start, I see movement outside my window. A quick glance confirms that it's you. You chose in-school.

Later, I have a nightmare. My dreams are always vivid. Vivid death, vivid pain, vivid emotions. This one is no different.

I get to spend the night watching you die, knowing that I could have done something but didn't. I get to wake up shaken with guilt, silent tears at your death. I get to experience loss like nothing I have ever felt before.

It's a relief to see you pass by my house the next morning, fine and well. Just a dream.

But it felt so real.

***

I used to walk home with you nearly every day. The best feeling is when I'm heading towards the school building when suddenly, your voice is next to my ear. Even though you can get to class quicker, being on your bike, you always get off for me.

One day, when I glance out my window, I see you walking home, your bike beside you. Two others next to you, standing where I would always stand. I have been replaced.

I try not to think about it. You have plenty of friends. I get along quite well with most of them, but the others definitely don't like me. But I can read people. I don't miss the way they look at you.

I'm not jealous. I'm just sad.

But glad that you are happy.

That is the last time you pass by my house. And never once did you look up.

***

I miss you so much it hurts to think of you. But I doubt I cross your mind at all.