Brothers best friend (fem!reader. X sapnap)

37

//sh talk
I wake up to no one in my bed or room where did they go? I sit up I'm in my spot how?

I get out of bed walking to the door I hear faint laughing opening the door walking down the dark hall I see the boys sitting at the table with uno cards in their hands george looks up at me and waves the other boys look at me smiling 
I mumble "hi" they can't hear it tho

They look back at there cards I walk to the kitchen it's dark out I sit on the counter with my head on my hands

They play for what feels like hours the boys finally get up sapnap walking towards me as I try not to doze off I look at him
"You're tired let's go lay down"
I shake my head no remembering what I have to say
"Watch a movie?"
I shake my head no
"What do you want to do?"
"Talk"
"Oh" he sounds scared and worried

He pulls me off the counter carrying me to my room I let him not wanting to fight with him

Once we get to my room he sets me down closing the door
"What did you want to talk about?"
"Promise you won't get mad?"
"Y/n"
"Promise?" I hold my pinky out
We link pinky's then letting go

I sit on the bed he follow
"I-I don't know how to really say this but..."
"But what?"
"When that thing happened a few days ago the things he said to me I felt as if they were true"
"What did he say to you?"
"Y-you didn't love me no one could love me except for him and my parents left because of me" tears flow down my face

Sapnap pulls me in rubbing my back "don't believe him I love you so fucking much everyone loves you" he kisses my forehead Letting go of me

I avoid eye contact with sapnap I can feel him staring at my hands as I mess with my fingers
"I-I had a panic attack I guess and I did something I fucking regret"
"W-what?"
I reach for his hand putting it on my left leg next to my shorts hinting at him to roll it up

He does I start to cry more I feel guilty he pulls me in
"S-shhh" he hushes me rubbing my back I can hear the pain in his voice

I feel like shit I can't look him in the eyes or I'll brake down

I feel something wet hit the top of my head

He's crying "it'll be okay baby I'm not mad at you I love you"

He continues to whispers things such as 'it'll be okay' 'don't worry' or 'I love you'

He lets go of me pushing my chin up to look at him his cheeks are wet from the tears I cry harder knowing I hurt him
"Shh shh shh calm down breathe just breathe" he calms me down
"Is there more?"

I Stand sliding my shorts down so he can see then lifting my shirt just past my belly button
He stares looking from my stomach to my legs he's thinking

"Is that why you wanted punz?"
I nod
"Did he clean it up?"
"Y-yeah" he nods I pull my pants up again
"Baby"
"Yes?"
"If you ever feel like you're gonna do this please talk to me or one of the boys please"

The last please was quiet I watch his face my face trace the bruise and cut on it

"I-I will"
"Come here" he pulls me down onto his lap holding me breathing into my neck
"I love you I fucking love you so much" his voice is quiet and soft
"I love you too"
"Do you need anything?"
"No" he nods
"Let's get some sleep okay? We can finish talking about this in the morning if you want"
I nod getting up he stands making my bed before stripping to his boxers again

I feel like shit like I ruined everything I hurt tempted to do it again I had been months clean and I fucked it all up
"It's okay baby get in bed" sapnaps voice snaps me out of my thoughts

I get in bed he pulls me towards I'm being careful of my lower stomach he wraps his leg and arm around me I reach over turning my lamp off

What if clay finds out or George? They would be disappointed

It hurts thinking about either of them being disappointed in me I've always wanted their validation feeling as if they were my parents and not my brother and his best friend

"Babygirl calm down do you need your inhaler I don't want you to end up in the hospital again"

I didn't even realize I'm hyperventilating

I nod he get up going to the bathroom I sit up

He comes back with it I use it he sits in front of me "when I count down you're gonna breath okay?"
I nod
"1...2...3... out 3...2...1" he continues but it doesn't help

The fact that I'm scared I fucked things up and scared about George and clay isn't helping
"Do you want me to go get one of them"
"C-clay" I use my inhaler again

Sapnap throws a shirt on hurrying out the door

I try to steady my breathing
"Hey hey" clay sits in front of me "look at me" sapnap turns the lights on them now being able to see the tears running down my face

I look at clays eyes "calm down it's gonna be okay you're doing your best" he smiles

I notice sapnap gone
"Y/n come on calm down it's fine whatever happened it's over and not happening again okay?"
I nod My breathing getting a little better
"I'm gonna have to get your nebulizer if you don't calm down"

I have that thing I look like a fucking idiot with the mask on and it smells horrid

I reach for his hand he let me hold it
"You're doing it almost there"
It hurts to breathe but I finally calm down
"Good job your fine" he hugs me "let go get some water okay?" Helping me up

I'm embarrassed sapnap had to see me in that state struggling to breath having an Asthma attack

Before we leave clay whispers "by the way I know about you and sap"
"N-not helping"
He laughs "he's not going to care about seeing you like that" he stops me "if he can't handle my little sister like that then he doesn't deserve you"
I nod he smiles we head to the kitchen clay follows behind me

Sapnap is sitting at the table he looks up at me with a soft smile on his face clay gets me a water bottle

Sapnap looks stressed I understand why it's because of me

He mouths "love you"
I smile clay hands me the water I drink it
"I'm gonna go to sleep y'all need to get some rest" clay says going back to his room

"Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah"
"Don't feel embarrassed y/n it's normal I'm not going to think of you any differently because of it you're still the weird ass girl I'm in love with and she's very bad at hiding what she's thinking"
I roll my eyes

We stand up head off to bed

He strips from his shirt getting back into bed I turn the light off then getting into bed he pulls me close again "good night princess"
"Goodnight sappy"
I close my eyes

I feel safe I know nothing is going to happen when I'm around these boys

Punz would be the first to get to them then it would be george then clay and sapnap

I fall asleep while sapnaps hand rubs my thigh