Being home alone, how should I describe that. I'm used to it though. My mum leaves every weekend to see my stepdad / who lives in his own house at the other side of the city. I don't mind, I like to be alone. The only thing I do mind is to be lonely. Sitting at the couch in the evening, the sun already setting. I only have to peek into the hallway. It's called compulsive anxiety. It makes me seeing things, similar to paranoia. Ofcourse there is nothing to see, It's all in my mind. But exactly that is the problem. I am sick in my head. Not even my dog can make me feel a bit more safe at these days alone. I tend to call a friend when I feel like having a panick attack, when I'm too scared. A very close friend that knows about how I feel.
I don't tell many people, most of them would pity me, that is the last thing I want. The looks on their faces while listening to my problems, looking at me like some sick creature, God no. Thanks but I'd rather not tell anyone about my problems than to risk that they only see me like that. I may be broken on the inside but I am still a normal human being who wants to be treated like everyone else.
So I hide myself from the world. Pretending to be a better version of yourself is the magic behind them thinking you are alright and living the perfect life. I pretend to be a more confident person, not broken, no problems, happy as always, helping others in need. I'm always there for everyone, always with my warm smile, they would never suspect me to be how I really am. Almost lifeless.
Why am I sad though. Not even I know. Is there a reason? Where did it go wrong in life? Maybe at the point in life I was bullied in Kindergarten? Because they continued in elementary school? Or because i grew up without my dad who came back when I was 7. Way too late. I could count down a long list of issues that could have led me to my sadness and emptiness, but we will figure it out throughout this story.
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Autor's note: sorry that the stories are short, they will get longer, I promise, I just want to get in softly :)
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The beloved companionship of sadness
RandomShe is trying so hard in life. Mistreated, misunderstood, typical story you might think, but what if all of this here relies on the truth. Being sad, suffering from depression, she tries to see the light at the end of the tunnel, with the goal to re...
