When It Rains

god must hate me

Theme song for this chapter - prom Queen by beach Bunny

Trigger warning ahead :
This story contains sensitive topics like anxiety , dealing with self hate , cutting and eating disorders. if any of these topics makes you uncomfortable i suggest you to check out another stories , this might not be one for you and remember every body type is beautiful all that matters is staying healthy , make sure to drink water and stay safe and if you're dealing with something like this , please make sure to help yourself and ask for help if needed , and remember that you are loved and this is a safe place if you ever want to vent.
-sending lots of love

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I ruffled my hair aggressively and stared at the math problem I've been trying to solve since the last two hours. "Goddamn ! Why is this so hard !" I slammed my head on the desk and searched for my cellphone. Picking it up I punched in the passcode and started surfing on Instagram , crossing my legs one over the other i placed them on the desk and stretched my back on my blue gaming chair my mom got for me last christmas.

Speaking of the devil...

My mom burst in my room "Lilly did-" she looked at me and her eyebrows furrowed "i knew it ! I told you so many times to start studying and look at you ! You're always on your phone , look at your brother he got an 'A' on his math exam and you ? This phone is ruining your life !" She sighed and placed herself on the bed "Lilly this is not right for you future , you need to study to get into a good college"

She snatched the device from my hand. "You're not getting this before school tomorrow" as she led her way out while I just had my head hung low.

i mean she was right. I got a C in my last math test but i studied hard for it , i just don't know what gets into me while giving the test. I scooted closer to my desk and picked up my pen , trying to understand something but instead my eyes got blurred with tears. A sob left my mouth as I tried to scribble some numbers in my notebook. Trying to have a clear vision i rubbed my eyes aggressively trying to get rid of tears in my eyes but it just got worse for me. I curled up in a ball and started bawling my eyes out.

That's usually how my days go by , my mom thinks that taking away my phone will make me get better grades but i just use it to escape from reality because reality sucks. I stopped crying but a feeling of guilt was eating me up. I wiped my eyes with my sweater paws and got up.

I was looking at myself in the bathroom mirror , i looked no different than every other girl , especially not like her  i had dark circles a chubby face , small lips and i had no confidence. I shook my head and washed my face. Walking up to the bed i plopped on it. Hugging a pillow I stared at the ceiling blankly. I didn't even realise when i dozed off.

I felt someone shaking my arm agressively "lilly you're late to school ! Quickly get up !" My body shook immediately and the next second i was on my foot trying to search for some clothes i could wear , i picked out an oversized tshirt and a pair of leggings. Looking at the time i cursed under my breath. I walked down and hopped on my bicycle.

I was walking down the hallways as i saw him , he was jamming his hand inside his locker. he might be looking for something, i suppose. For a moment the time stopped as my eyes were fixated on him , it felt like everyone disappeared and i could only see him , noah , him and his brother Aaron transferred in our school last year , he's from london , anyone could tell that by the way he talks, a deep voice with a British accent.

His face had a little scar near his eye , i don't know why but it made him more attractive to me. He wore a black tee and jeans but still managed to look as amazing as always. My thoughts were interrupted by someone hitting my head and shouting "hey !!" I knew this sweet voice , it was hayle , my best friend. We've known each other for as long as I can remember. We met at a family gathering and since then we've been inseparable. "Hey" her beautiful blue green eyes disappeared due to smiling a little hard "guess what ! i gave your name for the singing competition !" My eyes grew wide "oh my god why would you do that ! I'll have to perform in front of so many people !" She shrugged her shoulder. "Cmon you-" she got cut off by sheena her other best friend (?) We never really got along so we didn't talk much but She seems to not like me as she always finds a way to make Hayle stay away from me and just like that , she exclaimed in Hayle's ear "Hayle come i gotta show you some thing" she pulled her hand while Hayle looked at me with somewhat remorse and mouthed a sorry and ran away with her. i took a deep breath and looked where Noah was standing but to my surprise he already left.

Since I was in the class my eyes couldn't stop searching for noah. He is in my statistics class but he isn't here , despite being present in school. It's been 15 minutes since the class started.

Sound of giggles interrupted the class. It was heather and Noah standing outside trying to maintain a straight face but Noah managed to say "sorry miss for being late we were at practice , could we come in" without laughing but his voice was shaky as another voice came from behind him "sorry miss we'll not do that again" as mrs Jules , our English teacher nodded "don't do this again" and let heather and Noah in.

Heather is in the cheerleading team. She likes noah , the whole school knows it but him. Well Noah and heather weren't dating but she had it all , in fact everyone shipped them.

Her highlighter was shining under the light of class room as she playfully hit Noah's back while giggling lightly without getting mrs Jules attention. Even her laugh managed to look so delicate and poised. All the teachers liked her because she was even great at studying. I wish I was also like her. A small sigh escaped my lips as i stared at my shoes. "Wow , god must really hate me"

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Hope you have a good day and don't forget to drink water ! <3