Crossing Over

Luke

He could still remember their last performance together like it was yesterday. The roar of the crowd, the bright lights, his friends grinning back at him. He felt like the sun, burning endlessly, untouchable. He held onto that high as long as he could, for days, weeks, months. It kept him going through Julie graduating high school, through their break-up, through her moving away. On the quiet days, the days where it felt like the whole world was asleep, he'd pull out the demo they'd made and play it over and over, re-living experiences he'd had when he wasn't even alive. Those were some of the best memories, the ones he'd made while he was dead.

Eventually though, the memories started to fade. Eternity was a long time and the increasing prospect of his life, his dreams, creeping further and further away, started to get to him. He and the boys still played together, when Ray and Carlos were out and no one was around to hear them, but it wasn't the same. Not without Julie.

No music is worth making if we're not making it with you.

When Julie came home from college for the holidays, the studio was given a new lease of life, joy and music filling its walls once again. Every time, though, her presence hit Luke with the harsh reality of how he'd had to let her go. He knew it was for the best — they both did — because he couldn't tether her to a doomed romance, where there was so much they couldn't experience together. She deserved to go out into the world, to live her life. He convinced himself that she was living for the both of them, following their dreams, and it eased the pain. As long as she was happy, that was all he cared about.

The years rolled by and Luke tried to fill his time with adventuring, exploring new places in LA, visiting his parents, hanging with Reggie and Alex, Willie too. His friends were his saving grace, keeping him grounded, entertained, loved. Some days it wasn't too bad, it was easy even, but others, the weight of being dead held him down. It was days like these where he wished he could cross over, that he knew what his unfinished business was. They'd tried so many things together, none of them working, that they'd figured that their unfinished business was something they would each have to face alone. He tried not to think about that part too much.

Carlos moved away to college and it was at this point that Luke realised how much time had passed. The house was quiet most of the time now, with Victoria occasionally dropping by to see Ray, whose hair was lighter and skin was more wrinkled now. It was strange experiencing the passage of time but never growing older. When he was younger, Luke dreamed of being whisked away to Neverland by Peter Pan, but now he'd give anything to be able to grow up.

It hit hardest when Julie came home, a woman on her arm and that lovestruck look in her eyes that used to be reserved for him. She'd come out to them years ago, before she went to college, explaining to them what bisexual meant (much to Reggie's delight), and he was glad she was happy. He was glad that she'd found someone who could love her and give her things that he never could. This didn't mean that seeing them together didn't hurt though, and as their relationship blossomed through marriage and then kids, the pain didn't ease.

Luke was the only one who didn't see Julie on a regular basis. Reggie was around her house often, teasing her children and asking her a million-and-one questions about modern life. Alex had tea with her every few weeks — not that he could drink tea — to catch up with each other. He hoped Julie understood why he didn't come round as often as the others. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her — god he missed her sometimes — he just needed some distance. He kept up to date with her life though, hearing stories from Reggie and Alex, and he kept looking after Ray. It was his way of looking out for Julie, keeping connected to her, without having to see her.

As Reggie started to spend more time at Julie's and Alex started to spend even more time with Willie, Luke found himself spending time with his parents. They were frail and slow in their old age, but they still brought him security. When his dad died, Luke had hoped he'd see him again, but he didn't. He figured he must have crossed straight over. He watched his mum grieve, wishing with all his might that she knew he was there, that he could comfort her in some way.