Ring Of Fire

It's A Sweet Reality

Song to match this chapter:

~Moonlight by Augst D.~

||This chapter will be whatever I am feeling and about to feel, lets see where it takes us. WARNING talking about mental health, could be triggering.||

Sometimes I feel as though life's problems can almost be solved with one trip to a bookstore. Life's possibilities are spread out before me in the form of a book shelf. 'be a badass', 'combat anxiety', 'how to not give a fuck'. Suddenly, all life's obstacles are whittled down to 3 or 4 words of a catchy title. 4,857.66 won to work through all your traumas and 7,286.49 off of never feeling angry again.

Then, when I put down the book that told me to just think differently in 100 ways possible in about 30 chapters, I am thrown back into the harsh world with nothing more than 'be your own superhero'. People still piss me off, I still end up swearing at someone instead of 'breathing' and 'acknowledging'. I still get embarrassed and worried and say the wrong thing a lot of the time. Then I realise it may take a little more than 4,857.66 won and an iced americano.

'Minnie' a distant echo stroked my right ear, 'Min' Tae gently shook my shoulder, finally bringing me out of my trance brought on by staring into the fire, oh and probably something to do with the 2 glasses of expensive champagne I downed after I stumbled out of Yoongi's tent mostly naked shouting at him and Jungkook for fresh clothes and, if i remember correctly I said something along the lines of 'and bring me some fucking alcohol unless you want me to fuckin call the police for assault since I woke up naked you fuckin perverts.' Idk something like that.... what I was fucking pissed off. Not only had I passed out and woken up in the bed of my childhood bully, but my head fucking hurt, I was hungry, dizzy and I was annoyed that I missed the eclipse over fainting due to overstimulation.

You know what has the overwhelming capacity to change a person? or rather to bring out what that person is actually like...it is hunger, confusion, overwhelm, PTSD and the cherry on top of this cake, the olive plopped into the margarita of insanity is alcohol itself, that's what brings it all out, that first sip of champagne. It burns fantastically down your throat and 5 seconds later a little heaviness in your head occurs, quickly replaced with an overwhelming need to be blunt and overbearing. Just me? yeah probably... this reaction may also have something to do with the fact that I am already quite small and weak, weak in the body and weak in the mind, struggling with what is real and what is not... so when you add alcohol into the mix...God help us all.

Anyway, so yes as I was saying, I stumbled out nearly naked shouting profanities at everyone and demanding luxuries, I mean fair enough that's the least they could do I reasoned with myself, trying to fight the embarrassment at the memory as I looked back at Tae after breaking out of my fire trance. Christ I could have spent 3 days looking into those bright, angry flames.

'I can't feel anything Tae, when I look into it I don't feel it... like they say you feel this overwhelming connection with your natural born element but all I can feel when I look into it is the need to spiral into my own thoughts.'

'Maybe you are not a fire-born.' Tae contemplated before downing what seemed to be some red wine in a crystalline glass he had no doubt casually picked up off of one of the many tables.

'Fuck it probably not' I scoffed out a laugh 'wouldn't be the first time my parents lied to me... ya know, I don't think I even care anymore, I mean I can barely wake up in the morning I don't think I could even handle connecting to an element and cultivating powers.' But by the time I was finished rambling I looked up to see that Tae's attention was grabbed by Jungkook in the distance, as the black haired boy was stealing glances over at Tae every now and then, looking shy whilst turning to calmly talk to Yoongi. Tae looked down at the grass and giggled before bringing his hands to his face to feel the burn in his cheeks, smile remaining on his lips.