𝐖𝐄'𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒🌌 ˚･ﾟ/ ❝and if you are alone, that is the quietest most personal hell. and james, it's very hard to escape. so, now that you've stopped fighting; what do you want, james?❞ ❝peace.❞ / [ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐋 ]
┏━...
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─ ･ ｡ﾟ✪: *.🌌.* :⧗ﾟ. ─
"I tried to bring her back."
"And don't do anything stupid until I get back."
How could he? He took all the stupid with him.
When he said those words to him at the goodbyes, he only had to look at Steve's face to confirm his assumption. He's not coming back. He tried to accept it internally, but he couldn't. Steve was his best friend. And now that all was behind them, with Winter Soldier gone, Steve was gone, too. Steve wanted to make up for all the years he'd lost. But not with him. He knew he would go back to Peggy, whom he had loved all his life. He understood. After all, after all Steve had been through, he deserved peace.
But would he, Bucky, ever have peace?
Steve wanted to make up for all those years. How could anyone blame him? He wanted to be happy. He had the opportunity. He took it. If Bucky had been in his position, he probably would have acted the same way.
But he didn't get the chance.
Five years have passed since Thanos snapped. Five years. He spent ninety years going from fight to fight. But now that he was back after all this time and the evil was over, he hoped to be given the chance to... start over. New life. Which he would live with her if she wanted to. He would make up for all those years when both of them had to be their alter egos, not who they really were. He hoped, hoped so much that she would. That there were feelings from that time... left in her.
But Natasha was gone.
And he had no idea what he was going to do next. His best friend was gone. The only woman he ever loved was gone. And he was left alone, with only memories of them. With memories that began to fade slowly, turning into nightmares.
When you lose someone, they say the first few days are the worst. You don't accept loss, but you learn to live with the pain. Bucky couldn't do it. On the contrary, he felt as if each day was worse than the last. At first, the only shock paralyzed him. But then the weight of reality hit him, the knowledge of what it meant. She's dead. He's gone.
Why was life so unfair? Does fate mock him? Is it punishing him for everything he's done in the past?
Natasha may have been gone, but that didn't change the fact that he'd seen her everywhere. Wherever he went, her face was there. Every corner. When he came out of his room at the Avengers' base a few days later, he saw her everywhere. The sound of her laughter, her voice calling him, a flash of red hair. But whenever he looked carefully in the direction the stimuli came from, he never saw her. They were illusions, games of his exhausted mind. Though he always knew she wouldn't be there, her absence always brought him back to his knees.
