His Darling

Chapter Five

WILLOW

Tell me why I feel so stupid and guilty every time I am around Tristan? I didn't expect for him to want to spend time with me after I told him I wasn't pregnant. Which I clearly was – morning sickness never let me forget.

         I truly believed he felt obligated because there was a good chance, I was pregnant. I didn't want to trap him into being with me, I wanted him to want it. The last few weeks I have allowed for him to take me to lunch, and he has clearly shown me he still wants me. Which has grown to become a problem because I'm growing attached.

         I am conflicted and I have no clue what to do. Never in a million years did I envision that I would be pregnant with Tristan's baby. Like c'mon? Tristan Copeland, local hottie. Friend of my brother, who once punched a dude because he lied about seeing my boobs – which was really stupid on his part. James wasn't on every varsity sports team in high school because he was bored. He was built and strong – pretty sure that guy got a concussion.

         Tristan, who I was in love with all through high school. I saw him around school, everyone did, and he was the beauty to look out for. And his reputation perceived him as the biggest fuck boy, but that didn't stop me from daydreaming about him in math class. He probably is still a fuck boy – and look at me pregnant with his child.

         I never thought I would get over him, even long after he had graduated. One day senior year, he was visiting his parents and I saw him making out with some blonde bombshell at the local diner. It made my heart ache because I of course wanted that to be me, but I knew it never would. I wasn't what he wanted; I didn't look like I should've to even lay my claim on him.

         Then I was living in the city and just living my life and suddenly he was thrown back into my life, due to my brother's intervention. They both tried to make it appear natural, but I knew better. A guy like him, with a huge company to run didn't just reach out to his friend's kid sister because he wanted to. James has always struggled with allowing me my independence. Even from New York he tried to control my life and those that I let in it.

         Because I understood how James was, I knew he wouldn't take it well that I have been letting Tristan in my bed, even if it was only one time. The thought of his baby sister growing up scared him. And what was more grown up than being pregnant?

         All these factors played in not telling Tristan. I couldn't interrupt everyone's life just because I was sad one night and fell into my desires of being with Tristan and I never knew he felt any type of way for me.

          I would just have to make it through James and Ginny's wedding. I wasn't sure how I was going to suddenly disappear off Tristan's radar, but we would cross that bridge when we got there.

         I contemplated having an abortion – I barely knew how to take care of myself, how was I going to take care of someone else? But no matter how much children annoyed me I have always wanted to be a mother. I imagined it with a husband and not from a one-night stand, but it didn't matter. I wanted the baby and I wanted to be their mom. When it came to Tristan, I couldn't only think about myself – I now had another person's emotions to consider. Tristan still lived a playboy's lifestyle; would he make room for a baby? I had no idea and that second of hesitation was enough for me to stay guarded and dishonest.

         It was Saturday, one of the few days I had to myself. Sunday was for dreading to have to wake up early the next day and go back to work. I loved my job, but I also loved doing nothing all day – the bills had to be paid somehow though.

         It was barely pasted eleven and I had just woken up, for the second time that morning. I threw up around six and then crawled up in a ball and sobbed from my stomach aching until I fell back asleep on the couch. The last few weeks this has grown to be my routine – then when I wake up, or before work, I drink a cup of decaffeinated tea with a dash of milk.