All My Sins

An Odyssey

"I'm surprised you could make almost half an hour." Marshall spoke lowly into the phone before she could audibly answer the call. The deepness greeted her again with the a pit-like sensation in her belly.

- "The night is still young." She smiled and he could practically feel the caress of it on his cheek through the phone.

Marshall knew she was tired, but could be content with the subtle sweetness of her waiting up.

"Everything okay there?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine." She assured him, billowing into the comfort of the present's calm current. If only she could have stayed with him instead. Kissing him had felt amplified, she never wanted to have to stop again. Wanted to constantly take up space in his lustful, adoring embrace. Even if she questioned it, to feel its fumes through these passionate moments was sustainable.
Far too many dreadful seconds seemed to pass before Maureen worried that it had ended. That he'd fallen asleep.
Aware of drugs in her system, she felt the full force of paranoia as it began to invade her mind completely. What if she had taken too much? What if that was part Porter's intention? What if they were truly Marshall's intentions? If it had all been a lie? A cruel glitch in her reality.

"Maureen?" Marshall spoke inquiringly as if she'd fallen asleep, but his voice filled the painful gaps in her mind and cemented soothingly against her brain. His voice was like the rough, warm wind before a summer storm. She could feel practically feel it against her face.

"Marshall?"

Marshall knew he would be remiss if he further prolonged asking her about what could have happened with her Mother, but yet the words still failed him. How to ask?

"Can you stay up a little longer? I know you'll have to get up in the morning, but I'm feeling nervous, jittery." She interjected the practical silence he'd called for.

Her mind was like a memory maze. She could feel it beginning to turn on her, her only strength. Despite all the horrific turns of events she had faced with Marshall in the last few weeks, she still found herself too timid to let on how the drugs were beginning to effect her. Things had been bad enough, and she could not handle him any more remorseful or angry. She needed all of the good she could get. To wash away the haphazard and foul thoughts staining her mind.

"I'll stay up 'long as you want me to." He assured her, knowing that he would go without asking her about it again. Not tonight. He considered everything that had already happened: John, Jillian, Porter. She'd had enough, he could not bear to cut her deeper.

"Shit, are you okay? You breathin' okay? Don't take anymore prescriptions tonight. Are you?-" Marshall stammered. He had forgotten about it all amongst the rest of the night. Forgotten about her previous injuries. "Are you in pain?"

"No, I just... I can tell I'm not thinking straight."

"You shouldn't have even been out at all tonight, Maureen. Goddamnit!" He spat in frustration to her great displeasure.

"Marshall, please don't freak out right now." She begged but as she spoke the words to him, she could feel it creeping in her muscles. The high. It felt never ending.

"Shoulda pushed the motherfucker off the goddamn balcony." His teeth grinding even through the phone.

"Stop." She could not bear to imagine if he would have. "Don't say that."

Maureen had relished in moments with Marshall that felt the most real: watching a movie in his bed, reading a bedtime story in the hospital, licking marshmallow off his face. Yet suddenly everything became too real.