Until That Time {h.s au}

chapter four

~Greyson Clarke~

I have read this ending a million different ways, I have watched the final scene of this movie one too many times to think any different. I know it's almost time for my ending, time for my story to become just like the others... done, finished, complete. Simply a fade to black. One where I am here and then the next second I'm not.

I think it will happen quickly, at least I hope it does anyway. Maybe I'll go out with a bang, leaving those around me with a smile on their face when they think of me. But the selfish part of me hopes that they're sad. That horrible, terribly selfish part of me prays that they will fall apart. Feel as though their life is meaningless without mine right beside theirs. But then that part of me vanishes quicker than it came, because then my heart prays with everything inside of me that they'll be okay. That they'll know I'm still with them, that I'm so much better than I was when I was here.

My body is growing weaker, it is taking longer for me to get out bed in the mornings. It's almost as though my brain is taking longer to understand what is going on around me, even taking longer for me to simply move my feet. Because for those first five minutes, I can't find myself having the strength to move. I lay there, scared out of my mind that today will be the day where I say goodbye to my friends, to my family... to my brother.

But then something inside of me clicks, it's like a timer going off in my head and my body finally catches up to my brain telling me to move.

Today was one of those days that was harder than the rest.

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking to try and stop the bright light from hitting my pupils too harshly. I don't remember moving back into my room though. The last thing I have memory of is falling asleep in the damn chair in Harry's room.

A small smile makes it way onto my face at the thought of him. I couldn't help it. Every time I think of him my entire body goes warm. I swear it's like his voice is like fucking butter or something, it's so smooth as it echoes through the air I almost think I could fall over.

I've never felt like this before, but not that it's any surprise because it's kinda hard to find someone who makes you go weak at the knees when you've spent almost you're entire life inside of a hospital.

It's probably that puppy love that my mother would always talk about. He is the first boy that I've had any type of feelings for in all of my sixteen years of living... so no one can really blame me if I find myself becoming a tiny bit obsessed.

Louis thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. That I finally found someone who makes me lose track of thought when I practically days away from dying. We've always had a twisted sense of humor when we're together, and that's just one example.

I met him the first day Dr. Andrews flew me and my brother across the world to be a patient at the great and powerful Christ Hospital. My family was never really religious - at least I wasn't anyway - so imagine my surprise when before dinner a priest came knocking on my door asking if he could pray over me. Not going to lie it threw for a big of a loop, but nevertheless I let him. What was the worst that could happen? I thought I wouldn't be here long anyway so if it eased the man's thoughts and get me an in with Big Guy upstairs... then what the hell.

That had been my outlook on life for almost a year now. What the hell. To go for it. To take whatever chance I had because I could be gone tomorrow. And because 'what if ' are two really big words if they're put together.

Separate they mean nothing. They are meaningless, harmless words like toast and gum. But put them together and they leave you living with the biggest regrets, and I don't have time for regrets. Especially with a countdown following me everywhere I went.