just a vent

uh hi

huge TW and talks about suicide 

okay so this is not going to be well written at all because I don't give a shit I just want to vent you don't have to read.

okay so basically I'm sick to fucking death of everything I just want to end it all I get called lazy every damn day I cant take care of myself I get a bath once a fucking week I haven't brushed my teeth in over a month I'm skipping school' I'm giving up on things I love and I cant even get out of fucking bed. I'm not lazy I'm just tired of everything I want to give up take the pills and everything will be okay but I cant I cant leave my family I cant leave my siblings even if my sister told me to kill myself I cant leave my mum I love her too much BUT IT'S SO FUCKING HARD I have no fucking reason too be feeling like this other people have worse problems and I'm here complaining about my fucking petty ones I'm nearly 4 weeks clean and I don't want to break that my brother is 13 and is always going out with his friends and girlfriend I understand its part of growing up but I miss him so fucking much I just want to see him more I wish me and my siblings have a better bond especially me and my sister but we don't get things we want everyone blames everything on me being lazy and shit my stepdad mocks me everyone says its just anxiety even cams I want help not shitty tasks too do I just want to go I don't want to be here anymore I know I sound pathetic but I'm only 12.

bye