Asylum // NCT Dream

~ C H A P T E R 8 ~

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▪︎ 𝐈'𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠
𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ▪︎
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I was so scared for the little one, but luckily Mark took care of him straight away. Taeyong also said earlier that Mark put him to bed.

After that shock, I need a break now. So I decide to go to my new room. Before I could close the door, someone put his foot between them. I shrink back and see how the door opens fully again and the person enters my room.

"Jaehyun Hyung?" I ask, puzzled. When I see my brother standing at the door, I don't know what I feel. Am I angry or am I scared? He sent me to this hell back then. Sure that's how I got to know my friends, but still it was hell. He said he had planned all this with his friends, but that doesn't exactly make things any better.

"Jaeminnie can we talk please?" He asks me and his eyes beg for a conversation.
"I-I don't know if I'm ready for this," I say honestly and slowly walk to my bed and sit down. Haehyun sits down next to me, but leaves space between us.
"Please. I want to explain everything to you," he asks and I have to admit that I've already missed him.

"Okay. You have 5 minutes," I say and look at the floor.
"Thank you," he says. I just smile at him briefly and then look down at the floor again.
"The reason why I sent you to psychiatry at the time was because I knew that you would be friends with the boys. You needed friends and somehow I had the feeling that Jeno is something like your soulmate," he continued.

It was true ... Jeno is something like my soulmate. I love him ... very much. I am very grateful that I have him, but ... do I deserve him?

Am i good enough for him?

...

Oh no! That can't happen. I can't blame myself again. That's how it all started back then.

...

I am always the one to blame for everything bad.

I am not allowed to be happy.

I don't deserve anything good.

"Jaemin you were at a point back then that could have destroyed you and I couldn't see that."

I will never be happy, I am not allowed to do that!

I don't deserve Jeno!

Now I don't hear Jaehyun's apologies anymore, but fall back into the same thoughts that brought me to the cliff. I got back to the same point as I were then.
"I hope you can forgive me," he says and takes my hand. That pulled me out of my thoughts for a brief moment and I look at him.

"I-I will think about it," I just say, even if I don't really know what he just said. But he smiles at me and then gets up and walks to the door. But before he goes out he looks at me one more time.
"I will wait, brother", then he disappears from my room and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

I grab my head because it's starting to hurt. I stumble into my bathroom and I already know where this is going, but my body moves on his own. I grabed the sink and my left hand reaches for a blade.
The next thing I feel are deep cuts in my wrist.

With my weak eyes I stare at the open wounds from which a lot of blood comes. Then the blade falls out of my hand and I fall to the floor. I can lean against the bathtub before my eyes close and I hide everything around me and only listen to my peaceful thoughts.
And then everything is quiet ...