Draco Malfoy X reader one-shots

A juicy bite

Ah first day of school. Or should I say first day of hell! Ugh I hate school. I used to go to durmstrang. In Sweden. But now I'm a transfer student at Hogwarts. I didn't like durmstrang though. The boys were way too dull. And not my type. Hopefully at Hogwarts I can find my dream guy. Someone that just bites my attention. At durmstrang I had a boyfriend, Knud Erik. He was Danish, so we broke because of the war and everything, even though it ended like a 100 years ago. He just, wasn't my type anyway we just didn't have the same "blood" type, I guess. Anyway, I'm going to get sorted now.

Slytherin! Really! "Jälva helvete" (fucking hell) I just don't fit in! I'm not evil! i just like seeing kids fall and cry its verry amusing to me. Also, I don't like snakes. I'm more a hedgehog kind a girl. But I mean. I got to sit next to this cute guy at the table. He had platinum blond hair pale skin, and grey eyes. He said his name was Norbert. And next to him was this very ugly guy, he had platinum blond hair pale skin, and grey eyes, Draco. He just. Didn't seem right. He said things like "I'm vampire" I wonder what that means. Any what, I went to my dorm where I met my roommate pansy. She looks like a cat, I'm going to call her pug face, pug is a cat, right? I went down to the common room. And I immediately saw that fucking röv (ass) looking ass Draco. How could someone be so ugly? And why is he sucking on Norbert's neck? It's probably nothing. Slytherin's are weird.

The next morning pansy woke me up by pansy throwing a chair in my face. I think we're really connecting. She gave me a letter then left. It was from Draco. "Jesus kristus av nasaret" (Jesus Christ of Nazareth) I opened it. It was a piece of parchment saying "I am a vampire lol" this is so weird. What does this mean. Like why!? I curled it up into a ball and threw it over to the trash with the other letters from Draco saying the exact same thing. He's so weird. And thirsty. Like he always drinks wine. We aren't allowed wine! Ugh so annoying. I met this kid running up to me saying "CAREFULL I AM HARRY POTTER AND DRACO MALFOY IS A VAMPIRE HE WAS JUST SUCKIGN MY NECK FOR BLOOD PLEASE RUN SAVE YOURSELF" and then died. Like what? He didn't even look hurt. Like yea he was bleeding from the neck and Draco was covered in blood and yelled "you're next, girl!" I just thought he meant exams! "alla dessa människor fövirrar I helvete ur mig. Vad betyder vampyr ens?!!?!?" (All these people are confusing the hell out of me. What does vampire even mean?!) Then I got a letter again, but this was unknown. "Hello, it is me Draco Malfoy" I wonder who it is "I am a vampire and I want to meet you in the forest." Well, I guess I'm going to the forest. I went to the forest. It was dark. Ominous sounds of mysterious animals roamed through the empty trees. Oh man I'm scared. "BOO!" I screamed like a manly lumberjack. Cuz I'm not the type to scream like a little girl för att det är sexistiskt (cuz that is sexist) It was Draco with a werewolf face. Omg is he a werewolf. So, twilight hottie Sam Uley ey? Maybe he's not that bad. Then I realized it was a mask. That's a shame. Well, I'm more into Edward Cullen anyway. "Ugh. Malfoy" I said in my best French accent. "Yo. I wanted to tell you something" Draco sounded as stupid as he always does. He really doesn't fit being a werewolf with his lisp. He took a bite out of the fruit in his hand. Banan!? (Banana) OMG. He opened his ugly mouth and went to speak "I.... I'm a vampire!". He showed his teeth. They were spikey. Omg. Edward? Omg How did I not realize he was a vampire. I mean. He's good at hiding it, I guess. But I should have known. He took my hand. And pointed over to a little round dinning table, there was pasta on the table, and wine glasses. "Could I interest you in something to drink. Water perhaps." He said leading me over to the table. And started to pour some water in my glass. "No thank you, I like blood more, because I'm a vampire" Draco didn't stop pouring he just looked shocked at me, with his icy ugly cold eyes. "You're a vampire?" he asked. Pouring water all over the table and pasta. "Yuh" (Ariana Grande) "whahaaa?!"

2378 years later

It's been so long since Draco told me his secret. But it also felt like yesterday. After he told the secret that we were a vampire, we destroyed the world. Killed the two worst human beings on this earth. Voldemort and Shakira. Her hips were implants btw. We also got kids. Lars, Ulla, Ulrika, Rut and James. Draco is honestly my best friend now. I have learned to ignore his ugly face and smelly feet. Like I love the ceremony we have where I was in a white gown and he was in a suit and everyone of our friends were their aka none because he's my only FRIEND. They called it a bröllop (wedding) Idk what that is. Maybe it's the same as that weird word Draco always used to say he was vampire. But anyway, we got our dream home where Bella and Edward used to live. Its like he's my platonic Edward, kind of more like Jakob then.... But .... He's not as hot.