A Mermaid's Curse

Chapter 1

"'How does it feel, Izzy? That enormous hole inside you, slowly consuming every inch of you until there's nothing left?'" "'Killer. Murderer. You call yourself a princess, but deep down, you know who you truly are. A killer. Just like Tiger Shark. Just like Nerissa.'"

The words were like poison, slowly creeping through my mind like an approaching and receding tide. Every inhale let the words in; exhaling shoved them out. At least the thoughts disappeared after a while. The feelings were permanent, dragging me deeper and deeper into depression until I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Those thoughts and feelings were also what kept me awake most nights, unable to quiet the voices long enough to doze off. I hadn't had a good night's sleep in months. The sound of my husband's gentle breathing calmed my racing heart on nights where sleep was impossible.

Insomnia was slowly taking its toll. I was sluggish and fatigued almost every day now, to the point where I had to focus intensely just to do my daily tasks. On the outside, I was smiling and happy. The key word in that sentence was outside. Inside was a different story.

My body was sore all the time now, making it difficult to get out of bed. Even if I hadn't done anything strenuous the day before, every bone still ached, every muscle throbbed like I'd swum nonstop for a week. I winced as I looked at myself in the mirror, my pallor impossible to ignore.

A ghost stared back at me, the complete opposite of the glowing princess that had been there just weeks before. My eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, the spark gone from my expression. My black curly hair was frizzy and unruly, but I just wrestled it into a bun most days, not having the energy to deal with it.

I took care of myself, but only the bare minimum. Pampering had been pushed to the side long ago, and I had no intention of starting again. The closest I'd let myself come was a few dots of waterproof concealer, which was a must.

I repeated my mantra in my head, over and over, hoping that someday I would start to believe it: You are not your past mistakes. All that matters is your future and the choices you make.

With my cloak pulled tightly around me like a shield, I swam out of our suite and down to the dining room. Bursts of conversation reached my ears as I swam inside. Like always, Mom's face appeared in my mind. Though it wasn't the happy, smiling mermaid she was now. No, this version of Mom was unconscious in a hospital bed, surrounded by doctors.

It felt wrong to be continuing on with our daily lives when Mom was fresh off the heels of a coma. When I looked at her, or she met my gaze, I had to steady my pounding heart, remind myself that she was awake.

When the hand slipped into mine, I barely even flinched. My entire body relaxed as I looked into my husband's eyes, the anxiety that was slowly creeping up on me vanishing. "Good morning," Kai said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

I smiled at him, dispelling the negative thoughts before they formed. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

He nodded. "You?" His gaze softened as looked at me.

I nodded, but we both knew it was a lie. I never slept well anymore. If I slept at all, it was normally punctured by nightmares that would leave me sweaty and gasping for water as I awoke. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Ronan's face when I'd faced off with him in the hospital. The sly smile when he spoke about his sister, pain flashing across his features as I swung at him with my daggers.

Even though two years had passed, his words still floated through my head, taunting me day and night. "'I wanted your family to feel the same grief and pain I had. The helpless feeling when you realize there's nothing you can do.'"