Five Finger Discount

Chapter 17

R O M A N ~

You know when you are sitting in a train and you look out the window and everything is passing you by like and it's all a blur and it's weird because you're so still but everything outside is moving so fast?

That's how I've been feeling these couple of weeks. I've been feeling like being stuck in a train, forever not moving anywhere, forever stuck in one spot while everyone around me is moving so fast. They're going places, getting over their traumas, and making plans for themselves and the people they love and I'm just stuck here, in this dark spot. I still can't get over my trauma neither I can I show off what makes me happy. I'm just stuck, unable to move forward.

I don't know if it is cowardliness, hypocrisy, or selfishness. Maybe I am afraid of what will happen when I finally decide to face my traumas. I'm worried about the kind of skeletons I might uncover.

Perhaps it is true, some things are better left unknown. Sometimes there are just not enough words to describe something. Let the silence speaks. Let it fill the room, and speak the words that two people are afraid to speak out loud and are too greedy to share my contentment with any other person.

What happens when people find out? That means I have to let it go and go back into living my lonely miserable life again. I can't let that happen. I'm gonna keep burying until I can't anymore.

"ROMAN!". A harsh voice exclaimed and it immediately dissolves my thoughts. I take a deep breath and clutch hard on the steering wheel. I totally forgot I was driving my fiance to school today. These days she is invisible even when she's sitting next to me.

"What?". I utter softly at her.

"What are thinking about? I've been calling your name for a while now". She asks and I sigh deeply.

"Nothing to be worried about". I answer still looking straight ahead of me.

"Why shouldn't I? When are always giving me a reason to?..I-".

"Bethany please". I utter firmly without looking at her. She scoffs in disbelief. "Can we just have a silent drive?". I add.

"What?". She mumbles. "A silent drive? Since when do like to drive in silence". She inquires firmly. I drag my fingers through my hair in frustration and raise an eyebrow with a soft shrug.

"I can't believe this? What is going on with you? You have changed you know that right?". I nod in agreement.

"Yeah...I know". I answer and she scoffs.

"You know? Are trying to tell me you are deliberately pushing me-".

"It's not deliberate". I interrupt.

"What is it then? What is wrong with us?".

"Maybe it's just empty. Mayb-"

"If it's empty, we have to fill it up again. We have recandle what we use to have. We belong to each other. Nobody can understand you the way I do. No-"

"Sometimes, we have to accept the fact that certain things can never go back to the way they used to be". I utter with verity to her. She looks dead at me for some seconds and she scoffs.