Rainbow
Its been 3 hours since his surgery started and I have been a nerve rack pacing up and down and not knowing what to do with myself. I sat there looking at the painting at the far corner of the room where another family was sitting and praying over and over agin. They prayer touched me as one of the guys walked over to me with a candle and gave it to me.
Him: here. I looked at the candle and looked at the red eye guy.
Me: what this for?
Him: Its to pray.
Me: if God has been listening to my prayers we wouldn't be here.
Him: give it time. He left the candle with me and walked over to his family and i stood there without and words. Staring at the candle. Is this it God. Is my road to happiness coming to an end? Is this the end of the road for me?
Agent khoza
I raided the Mkhize home and found Mr Mkhize in the process of about butchering a person.
Me: Hands up sir. We had guns pointed at him and He turned and looked at me with a knife in his hands and I saw he had no soul in him and I knew this was a set up.
Mr Mkhize: Tell my family am sorry. He raised the knife and all the agents aimed at him with bullets piercing his body like rain. Right there on the table were a list of all the people he has ever butchered on made disappear and a small note: God, i hope you can spare my sons life now since Am gone with my evilness"
What a way to die. The team worked on the scene as I bagged the note and left the place. If I had a child would and he was going through what Sanele is going through would I blame my wickedness for it? Will I take my own life in hopes of redeeming his? Would I do what this old man has done for his child? I drove to the station to finish up with the paper work and close all the cases of all the names he had left behind.
Rainbow
I woke up to Sam waking me and I smiled at her but her eyes were red from crying and I felt myself go weak and tears were already threatening to leave my eyes. Please don't tell me that his gone. Please don't tell me that the only man I love and ever planned to love is gone.
Sam: Am so sorry. I felt myself crash and lose myself all.
Me: what do you mean?
Sam: i mean he didn't make it. The wind left my body is small gushes as it left me without an energy. I felt myself die slowly inside as the words came crushing on me. Sanele is gone. Just like that no warning, no happily ever after. After a year of marriage am mow a widow just like that. I cried as the sister held me as we all found peace at knowing we all here for each other. After the draining episode the doctors allowed me to go where he was and I walked in to find him so still and cold. His face so strong and effortless. His muscles has still visible but the struggle of holding onto life has done it park on his fragile body. I sat there until the doctors came and told me I have to leave. I kissed his forehead.
Me: I love you.
The trip back to SA was awuful with the media on my case and trying to breathe and sort out two funerals one for my father in law and one for my husband was daunting on me. Thabo was a mess too the loss was too hard on him. The whole week of preparation i cried like i have never cried before making me lose weigh and look like a small child. At 20 years i was now a widow and had lost so much and saw no point of moving on with my life. Saw no point of living again. Every time i closed my eyes i thought of him. Every time i was alone i could hear his voice and the most hurtful part was knowing that am never going to see him again. Never going to hear his laughter again. Never going to feel his love and mostly never going to have a partner who always made me his Queen. I walked to the lounge to find his sisters there talking to family members about tomorrow events and how the funeral will go into place as one of his lawyers called me to the side.
Lawyer: I was just telling the family that he left everything in your name.
Me: I don't want it. Everyone looked at me as if am crazy and than he gave me a letter.
Lawyer: he said the minute those words left your mouth to give you this. I took it and poured a cup of water and left to my room. I sat there in his pj and the blanket that he loved so much.
My dearest Rainbow
You are reading this note because am no longer alive. I know right now you are hurting and i know that you are angry at me and angry at the world but one thing I don't want is for you to lose your further because of this setback. I know giving you everything will result in you holding on to me never healing and not really moving on. You probably reading this because you told my lawyer you don't want anything that belongs to me well. You have it. I don't want you to ever go broke in your life so i have set multiples accounts for you. I have sent out multiple letters to all the companies that I own that if ever this day comes you become the silent partner and receive all the profits to make your life more comfortable. To make your dreams of helping the poor and mostly helping the orphanage into the home that you want it to be. Yes the day to day running of the clubs are now Thabo deals but you still 50% share holder to all the things iv lefts for him or my sisters. I love you and I want you to know that even in my grave ill provide for you. I want you to let go of me. Let go of the hurt, let go of the what if or should have or shouldn't have. Let go of the anger. You are young and you are free to live life the way you see fit. To live life the way it will make you smile. But mostly to live life according to your dreams. I love you and Ill forever do.
Love Sanele.
I read the letter over and over again with tears rolling down my face making the paper wet. I cried until there were no tears left in me and when I finally dozed off. For the first time ever since his passing i dreamt of him kissing me goodbye as he slowly faded away into the light.....
