The Student and the Teacher

05

After prom, i knew i had to forget about mister Uchida, there was no chance for romance between us, he was 30, i was 24, the age wasn't the problem. 
He was married and he probably already had kids, and it was so wrong cause he was my teacher. 
I thought about the kiss daily, it wouldn't be long until i finished college, and i would never see him again, just the thought of being seperated already made me sad. Just 7 more months to go and i would go to NYU in New York City, to hopefully pursue my artistic future there. 
There are so many things i'd wish to tell him, like my feelings for him, but if he already didn't like the kiss, he wouldn't like the talk about my deep feelings for him at all. 
I just knew one thing: i was in love. I've never felt this feeling before in my life, i haven't had real feelings for someone yet, but this time it just felt really good. 
I wasn't just ready to throw it all away. 
"Amber! there's someone at the door for you!" drowning in my own thoughts, i could barely hear my mom scream at me. 
" Amber? Are you up there!? i'm sorry, she must be upstairs, the second room on the left. " the door closed, assuming my mom let the person in. 
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, so i jumped off my bed, and hid my diary under my pillow. 
Not long after the loud footsteps stopped, there was a knock on my door. 
" Amber? are you in here? " it was a males voice, no way that could be Isabel. " Who is this? " i asked, as i slowly moved towards the door. 
" It's me, Atsuto Uchida. " it was the first time he ever spoke out his first name since i've met him, so it sounded serious. 
" Mister Uchida? " i opened the door for him and there he was. Wearing a tight white t-shirt with eggplant colored jeans. I knew he had a good sense of style, cause i've seen a lot of model pictures of him. 
" Mister Uchida? what are you doing here? how did you know where i lived? " 
" It wasn't that hard actually, and please, call me Atsuto. " i frowned, since when were we allowed to approach teachers by their first names? 
" Okay well, Atsuto, what are you doing here? it's late and it'll be Monday tomorrow. " i said.  " So i have classes. " 
" I know but i couldn't wait any longer. " he said. " Can i come in? " i opened the door further as he asked me if he could come in, and he stepped inside. 
" Look, i don't know what this is about, but i already apologized for the kiss, i don't know what else there is between us. " i said.  " It's kind of weird for a teacher to be standing in my bedroom, it's kinda private you know. " 
" I'm not coming as your teacher today, i'm coming as a friend. " he said. He was so mysterious, it confused me. 
" Are we friends? " 
Atsuto looked up at me. " Please, let me finish. " i sighed, and sat down on the edge of my bed. " Can i join? " he asked, i nodded and moved over for him, so he sat down next to me.  
 I heared him taking a deep breath before he spoke, like he was nervous. 
" I don't know what's wrong with me. " he said.  " I kept telling myself that it was nothing, but i keep thinking about you. " i frowned, did he just really say that? 
" I'm married and i feel extremely guilty about this, but i only think about you, ever since that kiss, even if it was a small one, i couldn't get my mind off of it. " 
he shook his head, disgusted by his own thoughts. 
" Please, could you tell me this is wrong? i'm so confused and i don't know what to do anymore. "  I looked into his eyes, they were hurt. " I don't  know what's left to say. " i said. " Did that kiss mean anything to you ? " i heared his broken voice speak. 
" It did, otherwise i wouldn't have kissed you in the first place, and i felt stupid when i did that. " i said. " I feel really bad and i've been trying to avoid you for days, that why i didn't come to school in the first place. " i said.  " But now i just realize that i can't avoid you anymore cause you know where i live. " i sighed. " I've been trying to forget about everything, about you, about my feelings for you. " 
" Feelings? " Atsuto looked up.  "So you're saying that you really have feelings for me? " 
I swallowed, and looked down. " Yes, i do... but you're married and you're my teacher. " I felt tears burning in the corners of my eyes. But i tried to hold them in.   
" I'm confused Amber. "  He said. 
He just looked so adorable, but he was a broken man, i knew how bad he felt towards his wife, that he thought about another woman, a much younger woman, and not about her. 
I moved closer to him. " There's nothing to be confused about, i understand that you're feeling bad towards your wife... but if you have feelings for someone else you have to be honest with her. " 
Atsuto nodded. Suddenly i felt his hand on top of mine, we both looked at our hands, Like they were perfectly made for each other, like a found puzzle piece that went missing for way too long. 
It made me crave him even more, to feel his soft lips on mine, to feel his hands moving over my body, my hair, my face. 
I caught myself staring at his lips, but he stared back. For a moment, it went on like this, the staring and the quiet, but then, i felt his soft, warm lips on mine, and i totally lost myself into the kiss. I threw myself on him, crawling on his lap, cupping his cheecks with my cold hands, while he wrapped his arms around my waist. 
The sound of our kisses were muted by our moans and our breaths. It was like we've always been together, but this time we actually found each other. 
I moved one of my hands up to his hair, while the other moved to his chest, i could feel that he wanted this, more than anything in the world right now, and i didn't want to change it for anything in this cold and messed up world.