Bhekokwakhe

Chapter 18

BHEKOKWAKHE

‘What the hell happened?’ My brain vibrates. As I kick the ground. Frustration is penetrating the pore of my skin. My hand rumbles through my bald, trying to articulate what really happened.

Did she just take langalibalele? Why is she treating my child like some sack of potatoes? What is wrong with this woman? I’m not going to have this up and down with her. No child of mine would be subdued to a parent who has no stable mind-set. The next minute she wants her and the next she doesn’t. Children are permanent, therefore you cannot treat them like some sort of temporary situation. Children are a lifetime commitment you don’t get to decide when you want to switch on or when you want to switch off.

I cannot believe Ntombikayise. Does she think that my child is some sort of a proxy in a cold war?

Lord give me strength. I have been glued on the ground for a while now, standing here failing to move. I want to scream at the universe but my voice is muffled. Swallowed by my concrete chest.

“What happened to her marriage life?”

“Is that guy her husband?”

“One thing, I know is that I don’t care about all of that. I just want my sunshine, back home” 

Once the debate swells down regarding what to do, I decide to not act while I’m still harbored in the midst of anger. I still need to calculate my next strike. One thing I know is that a week won’t elapse and my daughter would be back home, if not. I’m ready to deploy a war. Where was she all these months?

I saunter to the yard, calling upon my ancestors in my heart. ‘Lubheleni, Dibandlela, Mangcingci, Jeqe, Mashimane, Zulu, Doncabe, Zukuzela, Mngun’ omkhulu, Masiyane !, Nina baka Mgobodi, zul’ elifudumele lika Zikode!, nina bas’ eNgoleleni’ . I need them to protect my child under this woman who looks like a spell has been casted on her. I would never forgive Ntombikayise for her barbaric behaviour. We could have sat down and talked like adults but no she decided to snatch her like that.

Now I will have to stay up late at night wondering if she is fed and clothed. This is not fair.

-

KENOSI

I long stopped crying to watch as Bhekokwakhe and his baby Mama fight over langalibalele. Even my tears have long disappeared. Only a trail left to indicate I was pounding my heart out. To my surprise, moans have evaporated. But Kagiso and his tramp were not fazed by the noise that exculpated here.

Now I’m left with a confliction of thoughts. What really happened? Is that Ntombikayise?

If that is her. I might as well abort the idea that Bhekokwakhe loves me. I might have heard that from the horse’s mouth, but if he has been with someone like Ntombikayise. I don’t even stand a chance in running a race with her. Her beauty is just a cherry on top. Ntombikayise is her first in everything; love, sex, adrenaline rush of experience, first break up, first crush, the list is endless not to forget that she is the mother of his child.

His only child that he wants and I on the other side. The only child he made it clear that he wants to accommodate in his world. My hand migrates to my stomach and stops there. Suddenly I feel fed-up. A chance of motherhood slipped me again.

Maybe I wasn’t destined to be a mother even; sadness doesn’t hug me anymore. Who knows ‘Se nkganang se nthola morwalo’ (What opposes me reduces my burden)  Maybe I was never meant to be a mother, if I can get three shots and lose all of them. Maybe I was never meant to be a mother, maybe it was already written in my scripture that ‘Motherhood doesn’t suit her therefore she can’t wear it.’

-

After what seems like decades Bhekokwakhe’s boots slap the ground. I pretend to be sleeping. I close my eyes and block his scent on my nostrils.

“Geez, wake up I know you are not sleeping” he whispers briskly in my ear. Sending a pound of shiver on my spine. What is this man doing to me? I don’t know the taste of love. Do I even deserve it?

I softly start snoring. His boyish laugh transported a tinkle in my stomach. “Okay let’s see how long you will be sleeping” when I was trying to wonder what those words imply. His lips dainty plugs on mine. Pheew! I freeze. What is he doing?

Okay! Calm down Kenosi. You are not going to respond to this. This is a trap, did my horny self listen. I start following his rhythm. A tantalizing sensation knocks my body, my legs scrawl as whimper shots on my toes. “There she is awake” his voice reals breathings in my mouth as he removes his mouth. How dare he, I was starting to enjoy that?

He falls back on the chair. “That is not fair”  If it was a normal day. I was going to beat him. “And I thought she was sleeping” he says mocking my voice.

“I don’t talk like that”

“Ohh, yes you do” I ignore his statement. I title my to look at him. Sombre is attached on his face. “What is going on?”

He arches his brow. “Regarding?” He is now acting like he has memory like a sieve. “Don’t fool me, Bhekokwakhe” he glaces at me taken by my tone. I don’t normally address him like that. He knows once I do, I mean business.

“Nothing” he utters, with a shrug.

“Okay,” I face the other side. “Come on, don’t be like that” he says trying to touch my hand. “Like what? I thought we were friends” he chuckles. “Friends?” He asks, amazed.

“What are we again?” I furrow my brows.His stare is intense each passing second. Words fail me. I’m being honest though. Aren’t we friends? “So what are you going to do about Ntombikayise?” I finally got the courage to ask that question. But I wish I didn’t, now I want to disappear.

One minute down, two minutes down okay it looks like minutes would pile up and I won’t get answers but definitely a fire fuelled in his gaze.