𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

Chapter 33

— Chapter 33 —
Backed Into a Corner

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E L L I O T

The ride home with Noah last night had been filled with silence.

In fact, we spent the very walk back to the car at a constant six-feet distance of each other. Noah walked behind me with his head down and his hands in his pockets, likely too deep in his own thoughts. I walked up front and relished the silence—I was mortified enough to begin with.

Why'd I have to open my big mouth?

There was a point in the drive home where Noah's silence began to make me antsy, but I'd been too shy to break the quiet atmosphere first.

I couldn't help but wonder exactly what he thought of me now. Was he as frustrated that I'd unloaded my worries on him? Was he annoyed at having to deal with my words on his shoulders? Was he disgusted by the things I'd confessed to him? My failures?

The worry would drive me crazy.

By the time we'd walked through the front doors of the apartment, it was no earlier than five in the morning. My feet ached as if they could collapse beneath me at any moment. I could hardly keep my leaden eyelids open.

Despite the stresses and the grief weighing on my chest, I managed to find the surface of my pillow and shut my eyes for a few precious hours of rest.

I didn't bother to close the bedroom door or take off my boots. I hardly had the energy to move my limbs onto the bed. My brain was foggy and the only thing I wanted was to pass out.

I didn't dream. I had hardly dreamt lately as it was—perhaps that was a good thing. I wasn't sure if my thoughts could form anything pleasant in spite of the stress that had been a weight on my shoulders for the past few weeks.

James seemed to plague my mind for a few painful minutes before I went to bed.

It hurt. The idea of having him so close in proximity and accessible, but so far away from me emotionally. I hadn't seen him in so long that I couldn't find the words to express how I felt. He felt like nothing more than a stranger to me now—a stranger who knew all my deepest secrets. A stranger who'd once been a friend.

Perhaps... perhaps it was better to avoid confrontation with James altogether. Maybe it would be healthier for my spirit if I were to stay as far away from him as humanly possible... after all, nothing good could come from finally speaking to him now.

...Right?

It was three in the afternoon when I'd finally managed to crawl out of bed. I had creases in my arms from sleeping so deeply—the headache pounding away in my skull made it clear that I wasn't going to have a fun shift at the bar tonight.

But then again... when was the last time I'd ever had a fun shift at the bar, anyway?

It was only for a few hours, thankfully. Eve would be closing, giving me a few more valuable hours to catch up on the mess that was my sleep schedule.

Noah had been at work, saving me the awkward tension of having him give me a lift to the bar. We hadn't exactly spoken since last night and I didn't know what to say to him. Maybe I'd find myself lucky and he'll have forgotten all about it.