Gignere; Dream Baby

3. Selfish

"'Cause you know I love the players. And you love the gam----"

"Shut up, Yoona. I'll turn your face into a blank space if you won't shut your pretty mouth."

"Aww, so sweet, bae. So sweet."

I rolled my eyes at her. Kaninang umag app siya kumakanta niyang Blank Space na yan. Bwisit na bwisit na ako kasi paulit-ulit na lang. She practically raped the repeat button and I'm hating her for it. Nakakadagdag sa stress ng pagbubuntis ko ang pagkanta niya. It's not that she have an ugly voice, it's just that...I don't like the song. I'm not a Swifty tho I sometimes listen to her songs. Sometimes.

"Ay, nakita ko pala si Naeun. Next week na pala ang kasal nila ni Jongshin?"

Napatigil ako sa pagbabasa ng porn magazine at napatingin kay Yoona. She was tapping on her iPhone, thank God she stopped playing that awful song, her brow creased.

Ikakasal na pala sila? I wasn't inform. Simula nung gabi na may mangyari sa amin 3 months ago ay hindi na kami nag-usap pa. He didn't reach out to me. He started avoiding me and I did the same. But I didn't get mad at him, I understand I did something unforgivable. I slept with him even though I know he's with someone. Ako na ang mistress. But knowing how naive Jongshin is, I'm sure he's avoiding me because he feels guilty for sleeping with me thinking that he took advantage of me. Hindi niya alam ako talaga ang nag-took advantage sa kanya.

"So...di pa rin kayo nag-uusap, ganun? Estranged friends na kayo? Ang drama naman masyado, bakla. Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong sabihin na nabuntis ka niya? Alam no kung tutuusin mas may karapatan ka na kay Jongshin kasi nga pinagbubuntis mo ang baby niyo."

Hindi ako umimik. Do I really have that kind of power over him? After what I've done? Nabuntis ako dahil iyon ang gusto ko. It wasn't a mistake, like what Jongshin might think if ever he finds out, it is a planned pregnancy. Sineduce ko nga siya, di ba? It is my intention to get pregnant. Ayoko na na madagdagan pa ang kasalanan ko kay Shin. It is enough that I seduce him to lure him in bed. I don't want to further trap him into marrying me because I got pregnant. Hindi niya na kailangang malaman pa ang kalagayan ko. Hindi na...

"Dada, I'm pregnant."

Dada stared at me as if I have grown two heads. Tumitig lang din ako sa kanya. I didn't move a bit. I was just waiting for his reactions.

"You're what?"

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagsalita muli. This time I said it with ease. I looked straight into his eyes and said,

"I'm pregnant. 3 weeks pregnant."

Nakita ko ang paglaki ng mata ni dada at ang dahan-dahan na paglapit niya sa akin. He gently pulled me inside his arms and hugged me tightly. Tears streamed down my face too. Dada was whispering words of comfort in my ears as I cry my heart out.

For the last seven years all I wanted was to have a baby that I can call mine. I want my own child so that my parents would look at me the way they look at Dyo hyung when he had Kailene. I want that kind of look from them. Kaya mga I resorted into all sorts of ways just to get pregnant. I slept with many guys, tried the sperm insemination and seduced my bestfriend into having sex with me. And now that I am pregnant...pakiramdam ko failure pa din ako.

"Ssh, baby, don't cry. It's okay. I'm here for you. Your daddy will be here for you too. Also your siblings. We all love you. It's okay. Everything will be alright."

And I just hope everything will be okay. I hope.

It's never easy to look straight in the eyes of the person you've harm... either intentionally or unintentionally. And as I stare at his handsome face, I realised how cruel I am. May eyebags na siya dahil siguro sa pag-iisip sa nangyari sa amin. Mukha ding nabawasan ang timbang niya. He looks pale and he seems like fading in front of me. I bit my lip to stop my tears from falling.

"Soo..."

His voice was hoarse. Parang pinipigilan niya ding umiyak. Inabot niya ang kamay kong nakapatong sa lamesa. He held it inside his warm yet shaking hands. My vision blurred as I stare at our hands. Naiiyak na talaga ako at hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa masaya ako na nakita ko siya o dahil sa kinakain ako ng guilt dahil sa ginawa kong kasalanan.

"A--ako ba ang daddy nang ipinagbubuntis mo?"

Napalunok ako at nag-iwas ng tingin. Binawi ko din ang kamay ko na hawak niya. I wiped my tears away. Rinig na rinig ko ang mabilis na tibok ng puso ko.

"Yes."

I whispered lowly. I barely heard myself. But I'm sure he did because he was suddenly out of his seat and kneeling on my left side. Hinarap niya ako sa kanya at itinaas ang tee shirt na suot ko. I gasped as he placed tiny kisses on my small baby bump. Tears rained down my face blurring my vision of him.

"Oh God, I knew it!"

Hindi ko na alam kung paano nangyari pero natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili ko sa mga bisig ni Jongshin. He was hugging me so tightly I'm not sure if I can still breathe. Jongshin continued whispering words of love to me and at that moment I felt...relieved.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa akin?"

I avoided his scrutinising look but I didn't let go of his hands. Hawak ko pa din iyon at nilalaro ko ang mga daliri niya. Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya at bigla niyang hinawakan ang baba ko para iharap ako sa kanya. I was once again lost in the depths of his eyes. I fell in love with him...deeper. Hindi na ako makakaahon pa.

"You should have told me, Soo. The baby is mine as much as it is yours."

He said gently, wiping the tears that slipped from my eyes. Ngumiti siya sa akin at hinalikan ang noo ko. Love is shining from his eyes. My heart soared at the possible knowledge that he is in love with me too.

"Akala ko kasi...hindi mo aakuin. You were supposed to marry Naeun. And I'm your bestfriend. And we were both...drunk."

My heart ached as I say my reasons. I'm half lying to him and I feel guilty. Ayaw kong malaman niya na sinadya kong lasingin siya at akitin para mabuntis ako. Naguguilty ako pero may parte sa isip ko na nagsasabing huwag kong sabihin ang totoo. Alam ko na kapag nalaman niya ang totoo ay maari niya akong iwan. I don't want that. Now that he is here with me, I don't want him to go back to Naeun. I want him mine. And tho it is selfish of me to say this but I can't let him go now.

"Still. Yes, I'm hurt that I'm hurting Naeun but I have my responsibilities. You and our baby. Atsaka pagkatapos nang mangyari sa atin narealise kong mahal pala kita. More than just a friend. I love you more than anything. I'm completely and irrevocably in love with you."

I smiled at him and pulled him into a heart-stopping kiss.

"I love you, Soo. I'm so in love with you."

"I love you, too. More than you'll ever know."

xxxxx
Dedicated to IamMarr because she's fab :)