Forget Me Not [Original]

Chapter 4 ✔

Jen

We continued walking, our hands intertwined as our sides brushed ever so slightly. I kept my gaze ahead, looking out of the various windows at the gardens below us. What I wouldn't do to go outside in the sunlight. I shudder involuntarily, craving to feel the warmth of the sun upon my skin. I sigh, knowing that I still had at least a day left of my stay in the hospital. I couldn't tell where my thoughts were headed when I felt Shawn's grasp tighten on my hand, as if reassuring me that everything will be okay. The gesture sends a rush of warmth to my cheeks.

Silence has settled between us, the sounds of quiet chatter from the nurses and doctors and Shawn's over sized shoes echoing off of the walls are the only things heard.

We walk at a leisurely, slow and comfortable pace. I feel at ease, every fear that I've had melting away with Shawn's warm hand clasped in mine. I don't have to worry about anything in this world at the moment. School has been pushed to the side, my father hasn't made an appearance, and I'm not lonely anymore. I tuck the moment into a safe place in my memory, hoping it won't flutter away with time.

"Do you think I could go outside?" I'm the first one to break the silence, looking up into his warm brown eyes, smiling. I feel like a trapped moth, constantly searching for an escape, even the slight hope from seeing a way out.

He laughs at my expression. "I don't see why not." His eyes seem to register the relaxation and eagerness that I have because they seem to shine with amusement.

My smile grows wider at his response as I hurriedly tug him to the nearest exit to the gardens. Luckily it is only a few yards away, the long hallways proving to be a barrier between me and my sanctuary that was the gardens. He was able to keep up with me, his long legs allowing him an advantage.

We close in on the door due to our quick pace and once the door is open, I breathe a luscious breath of fresh air, inhaling the aroma from the countless of flowers. The incredibly cool air engulfs me as I try and take in this moment of peace that I welcome with open arms. Words cannot describe how at ease I feel. For once everything is okay. For once nothing else seems to pull at my attention. For once nothing is wrong.

I feel Shawn's hand slip from mine, but pay no ind to it, the warmth it once provided now kissed by the cool air. I can feel his eyes studying my every move, trying to find a clue at how I'm feeling. Warmth rushes to my cheeks and I find myself drawn to the flowers so that they capture my full attention. There are a variety of different colors, each one begging to be recognized. Pinks, purples, whites, blues and oranges and yellows. Its such a beautiful array of hues in contrast to the bland and coldness of the hospital hallways.

"What's your favorite?" He says, referring to the flowers with a tilt to his head in wonder as he awaits my response. His hands are gently folded into his pockets, his eyes searching mine. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

"Red tulips," I say almost immediately. I smile, reminiscing their symbol that my mother once told me, but deciding not to let Shawn in on my knowledge of their meaning. Undying love. The simple reminder of the graceful meaning pulls me into a hurricane of nostalgia.

"Interesting.. " he nearly hums. I wait for him to continue, but he doesn't. It seemed like he was about to say or ask something else, but misreading lands me in a state of confusion.

The cool breeze whips across my body, the thin covering offering little to no comfort nor warmth as it caresses my skin gently. Goosebumps prick at my skin, but I ignore the way the hairs along my arms strain for the feeling of heat. Heat. Its such a simple word that holds an untold promise.

My thoughts seem to drift away with the wind and I find myself staring off into space. Blinking, I snap myself back into reality. It's weird how a tragic situation had turned out to be my savior to my sanity, my current state allowing clarity as well as this moment of serenity.

"You're very quiet." Shawn states from behind me, I almost forgot he was even there. My mind reels for a reply, but I come up blank. I smile gently at him, not seeming to find any words to say.

"I just have a lot on my mind." I shift on the balls of my feet while biting my lip, nervously, a habit I've always had.

What will I do once I have to go back to school? Surely everyone will have heard about this incident of mine. And what will become of midterms? I haven't had a chance to study at all. All of this stress has found its way back to me, waiting til I was put back together only to try and weigh me down. This is infuriating, how I don't even know what actually happened to me, but having to contemplate and worry about how I will return to my life that has so suddenly pressed pause. It's weird to think that I even get a "break" from reality. It feels like Shawn has shielded us from the rest of the world, encasing us in our own little bubble.

"Oh, anything I can help with?" He asks, sitting on the edge of the flower beds. His hands rest on his thighs, almost like he's expecting me to tell him all of the stresses of my life, but the truth is that he's still a stranger to me. I don't know him at all, I'd prefer to keep my private life private.

I shake my head 'no' lightly, offering him a sympathetic smile to ease any tension that has now started to form between us. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, it's like I can feel myself breaking right now, in this very moment. My heart thumps wildly in my chest and I swear Shawn can hear it. I know warmth has now rushed to my cheeks, surely displaying or hinting at my current emotions that I have succumbed to. I want to scream. I don't know what I'm going to do about everything. I feel like I'm surrounded, the tall and intimidating walls or reality are pushing in on me, forcing me to make an impossible move to survive the upcoming onslaught. My breathing is erratic as I try to find some way to get enough air into passed my lips and into my lungs.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me, it's okay." Shawn soothes, somehow sensing my inner emotions. I send a silent thank you up to whoever is looking out for me up there for Shawn. He is probably the single stitch that is keeping me from fully falling apart, providing a ray of light in this dark world.

Shawn crushes my body to his, and I can feel him bury his head into my shoulder. His exhales cause shivers to run all the way down to my toes, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I barely notice how I have to be on my tip toes just to hug him, overcome by the sense of relief and warmth that comes with being in his presence. He is serenity in it's human form, somehow modified to almost perfection. In this moment, I truly feel that nothing can go wrong. In this moment, I can at least pretend that everything is okay. I can pretend that my life is just another story about a boy and a girl with lives of simplicity and love.

I feel myself visibly relax into Shawn's embrace, hugging equally as tight as he is, staying in his arms far longer than normal, afraid that he will vanish into thin air, leaving me to battle the stress alone.

"Always remember, things will get better.." he whispers, his hot breath fanning over neck," I promise." And with that he ends the hug, grasping my hand to pull me back inside of the hospital where he leads me back to my room. Even though our pace is somewhat rushed by an unknown force, the walk seems longer than the one it to even get to the gardens.

Once we enter my room, I feel my heart drop into my stomach, consumed by the acids lying there. The sight before me causes a wave of nausea to crash over me, filling me with dread and angst. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to go anywhere but inside the room, trying to force me to run back to the gardens and fall in a heap on the cement. But instead I stay where I am, frozen with apprehension and trepidation. A cold chill eases its way down my spine and to my toes, keeping my feet planted where I am like a weight holding me there.

In my room, my dad is talking to one of the doctors. My dad is here.

He looks different, sober for once, hopefully. I beg to differ when he turn towards me, ignoring the doctor completely. His bloodshot eyes lock on mine, and his deep frown lifts a little. I hope his bloodshot eyes were caused by tears rather than the alcohol that has been running through his thinning blood for the past few years. The frightened and devastated feelings of him showing up here like this are pushed to the back of my mind, and emotions hit from every angle possible. The fact that he is here sends my heart racing, finally glad that he cares even if it took a tragic mishap to bring him into realization.

My dad is here.

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(A/N): I'm happy with chapter. I'm getting the hang of this character finally! lol. Sorry for the wait, I've been really busy lately, but thanks for taking the time to read! xx. -Ivory