Rivals with Benefits

Chapter 28 - dates with hazza and lou

*longer chapter to celebrate the 28th 💚💙*

Louis' POV
     Don't be nervous, don't be nervous, don't be nervous. Yeah, I mean I keep telling myself that so why am I still so fucking nervous?!

It's a combination of a few things I guess. I have a game today, a big one too. Scouts will be there and everything so our team has to be at its best today. I have to be at my best today. And I know this and I'm trying to concentrate but all my thoughts keep coming up Harry.

It's been weeks since our first tournament and we have yet to go on a date. Don't get me wrong, we still hang out and I'm definitely not complaining about that but it's not the most romantic thing. Plus we've been crazy busy lately. School started up again, Harry's been occupied with work at the bakery - not that I mind, he always brings me treats after his shifts - and I just recently got a job as well.

It's not a new one but it was more of a summer job for me since I was always busy during the school year: plays, football, friends, parties, school itself, the whole lot. But now I've picked up some more hours at the Vue cinema this year simply because I need to be able to pay for all my football stuff. It's nice to have money for things but that just means less time with Harry.

So yeah, we haven't had a ton of time together but we still hangout everyday after school and practice. I absolutely love it and I love being with Harry, it all just feels so surreal.

But I just get worried sometimes. Like I worry that maybe he'll find someone better or maybe he'll get bored of me. I can't give Harry all the things he deserves. Hell, I can't even give him a proper first date without having to cancel because we're both too busy and I most certainly can't give him a public relationship without worrying that our mates will find out. I really have nothing to offer and I just worry that Harry will realize that sooner or later and leave.

I just- yeah I'm just nervous. I always am with Harry and when I think about him but it's usually a good nervous. Right now, I feel sick almost, like my head is spinning and I can't stop it. I feel this pit in my stomach deepen and it just won't be filled. I can't control anything and it's all so shitty because I have a game to play and the scouts are waiting and my team is counting on me but I'm just here.

"Louis!" I vaguely hear one of my mates shout, "Louis come on! Let's go!"

I feel myself stand up and walk out of the locker rooms. I feel as I get down to the pitch. I feel the stares of my teammates, of the competition, and of the crowd. I feel myself shake the hands of the refs' and the other captain. And I feel as I run down to my position on the field with my cleats digging into the pitch. But the problem is I don't process any of it.

I don't register that the whistle is being blown and that the game is starting but I feel myself sprinting towards the ball. I don't register when I get the ball and pass it over to Niall before running up the field. I don't register when I jog down trying to get open for Ollie to pass to me. I don't register when Ollie finally passes and I receive the ball. I don't register when I dribble the ball around trying to get a better position. And I don't register when the ball is being stolen and taken down to our half of the field for the opponents to score. But I feel it.

Honestly, I don't process the whole first half of the game even though I really want to and I try to, it's like I can't. I can't get out of my own head and I vaguely feel myself struggling to breathe.

"Louis!" someone yells. I feel myself look over to them but they're just a huge blur now, "Louis! It's okay! Get your head in the game!" they shout and I recognize the Irish accent to their voice.

I feel myself nod my head but it doesn't clear anything. My heart is racing and I can hear it pound in my ears, my head hurts with all the commotion, my breathing is heavy and labored, my vision is all out of focus, and my body feels numb, but somehow I don't think it's because of the game.