The Estranged Lovers

So close yet so far ...

The next few days of interaction between Bondita and Anirudh were a bit of awkward. To any onlooker, they seemed to play hide and seek with each other. Avoiding to meet one another, sometimes by coincidence, sometimes on purpose. "I am just busy with so many cases coming in." Bondita reasoned with herself one afternoon. "I am definitely not trying to avoid him." She tried giving herself a thousand explanations but nothing seemed fit. There were a million unspoken words but neither could muster up the courage to say it but it all changed one Wednesday afternoon.

Bondita had just returned from a hearing. The hearing had prolonged a bit so by the time she reached the cafeteria for lunch, it was pretty deserted. Except for man sitting by the window with a cup of coffee in his hand, with his back turned to her. She could recognize that back in a crowd of thousands, not to mention an empty cafeteria. She was quietly debating whether to turn around and walk out when she perceived his voice. "We are barristers after all, Bondita. Isn't everybody entitled for a chance to be heard?" His voice sounded weak as if each word he had uttered was a mirror of his pain and inner conflict. 'How did you know it was me?' she had wanted to ask, but stopped knowing it was stupid to do so. If she could recognize his back, he too would have recognized the tinkle of her anklets. It had been a relationship of 10 years after all. Was it his solitude silhouette or the pain in his voice, she had no clue but soon Bondita found herself answering "5 pm at the coffee house by the court. I will be waiting, Barrister Anirudh."

She immediately turned and walked out without noticing the unshakable man's back tremble a bit as he finally shed the tears, that had been threatening to fall for long time. Wiping his tears, Anirudh stood up with a sigh and he too walked out with a thought 'What have we become, Bondita?'

"Finally, its 4:45. I need to leave early to reach on time." Anirudh said, while jumping up from his seat, after having stared the clock since the last 2 hrs. 'I need to calm myself down' he thought as he set off 15 mins early for a coffee house which was right next door. Anirudh walked with an air of building up his courage. Then, he saw her through the glass window of the coffee house. It was cloudy day, with rain threatening to fall any moment. However, a few rays of sunshine behind those clouds had made their way to meet the earth through little gap in between the clouds. One such ray was falling on her face as she sat there waiting for him. Anirudh always had little belief in ritual and religion but at the moment, he felt that he was just graced by God's most precious scenery in front of him. He could go on and on describing her beauty. If she was considered quite good looking generally, at the moment, she looked like a goddess who was..... waving at him? He snapped back into reality as he saw Bondita acknowledging his presence by a formal wave. 'Did she catch me staring at her? O god, I messed up even before meeting her' was the very thought with which he rushed to meet her. So much for "building up courage."

Exactly half an hour had passed, in which a lot of things had happened. He had apologized, confessed, shed a few tears and had repeated the same cycle again multiple times without a break. Anirudh finally paused and looked up to his listener, who sat there without saying a word, with a silent and calm demeanor while looking out at the pouring rain which had started some time ago. The silence enveloped them gradually, as they sat face to face so close yet so far. "Are you still mad at me? Do you still love me?" Anirudh questioned in a quiet voice. He was in terrible pain on the inside and this deafening silence wasn't helping.

"Its just..." she finally spoke, with her eyes still glancing at the rain. "I just feel it's a bit surreal." she gently turned to look at a confused Anirudh with a faint smile. "Everything that I had once adored is suddenly in front of me. The first rain of the season in which we had promised to get drenched together, the sudden shower which had brought out my long-buried feelings for you, the coffee which got me addicted to itself just because it reminded me of you and my countless fantasies of you confessing your love to me. I had desired of these experiences for so long yet now that my dreams are shaping into reality, right in front of me, I feel nothing but a void."

Though the coffee house had turned really full with people seeking shelter from the sudden rain, Anirudh heard and knew nothing. All he was aware of was that his beloved was hurt. Very hurt. And he was the reason of her pain. Bondita let out a mirthless smile, while managing to prevent the tears from falling off her already glistened eyes. "I had sat just like this in the centre, of my group of friends, for the past few years, as I had boasted about my husband, the man I loved. The Fearless and Bold Anirudh Roy Chowdhary who was never afraid to speak against what was wrong, who was my shikskak babu, my rakshas as well as rakshak babu. Without a pause, I had brushed of the possibility of him changing with the years, as suggested by a friend, but oh god, how wrong I was" She paused as she lightly choked on her tears. Her tone changed a bit, as she brought herself under control and commenced with finality in her voice.

"Now onto your questions, Am I mad at you? No, certainly not. It was my fault to have such impossible expectations of you staying the same forever, but you know, I have always been a bit naive in such matters. The second question: Do I still love you? Unfortunately, yes but if I accept your love today, I will love myself a little less."