C'mere (Paul Banks fanfic)

The Letter

The food was very good, and even when their initial conversation had been incredibly depressing, they still managed to have a good time. They ended up inevitably talking about the trial.

- When you were walking towards that woman I had no idea what you were doing and I was terrified you were going to screw everything up... - She confessed, laughing hard.

- Well I would never attack a woman, if that's what you thought.

- No, I never did, but you were disrupting the trial, I wanted to scream your whole name to stop you, but wouldn't I have sounded like a mad mum?!?

- You were going to scream my whole name? Middle name included? - He was shaking with laughter.

She nodded, sipping on her drink.

- Yes, middle name and all...!

- That's not fair, I never knew your middle name... Do you have a middle name? - He protested.

Rhi seemed shy now.

- All English people do... of course I have a middle name... it's... uhm... Alana...

- Don't you like it?

- Uh, yes, I do. I just don't go bragging. - She winked and he chuckled.

- So both your names are Celtic.

- My dad was a big fan of the old religion.

- Doesn't Alana mean stone?

- Yes, it does. - She was again taken aback by his knowledge. He was a very humble person, didn't try to attract attention, but he was more highbrow than many snobbish people she had known in all these years in the city.

- And Rhiannon is a goddess. - He continued. - So you're a stone goddess. Your dad knew what he was doing when he named you.

She blushed and looked down.

- I don't know what your names mean, but they're very pretty. Both latin right?

He smiled.

- Yeah. Paul means humble and Julian means youthful.

- So you're a humble young man. - Rhi concluded and he assented. - Also both names belonged to powerful men in history. Your parents knew what they were doing too.

She bit her lips not to go on. She truly lamented that this was good bye. She had always got a kick out of hanging out with Paul... but it was too dangerous.

At around midnight, they concluded they had to go home and Paul asked if she had brought a car. She hadn't.

- May I drive you home?

- Why not? - She said. - I love riding in cars with you...

He sniggered, remembering what had happened the last time they had ridden in a car together.

Of course, he knew exactly where she lived still, and they were there in no time.

- So this is really it, stone goddess. - He declared when he opened the car door for her outside the building.

She felt a shiver down the spine. It was. They would probably never see each other again.

- Unless someone tries to mess with your copyright again. - She teased, getting out of the car. - Then you know where to find me...

He smiled sadly and she hugged him. One last gust of his heavenly smell, she thought, sinking her face in his neck. He cradled her in his arms and kissed her cheek, timidly. She put her hand over his face and looked adoringly into his eyes.

She could not help it. This was their last time together. She approached his lips and kissed them tenderly, painfully, slowly, desperately. When the time to let go arrived, she withdrew and he let her. Hot tears gathered in her eyes as she saw him walk into the car again. He waved at her, started the engine and drove away.

-

Two weeks later, Rhi was still very sad, but satisfied with her decision. She was proud of herself. She felt like she could file Paul Banks' case in the "Closed" drawer and go on with her life. Both literal and figuratively.

Next week was Christmas and she was spending it with her mother and sister in Europe. These were their last holidays as single people, so she and Lee had agreed to spend them each with their own family. He was going to Ireland, and she, to England.

She took the folder from the last time she saw Paul. It almost didn't hurt anymore. She opened it and started sorting the documents. Then, on the inner part of the folder, she saw something unusual. Her name was written with neat calligraphy with the same pen as the signatures, followed by a whole paragraph.

She frowned and started reading.

Rhiannon

I am looking at you through the glass walls of the restaurant. You're on the phone and I can honestly say I am jealous. Not of the person you're talking to, but of every person who will continue to be a part of your life from now on.

I know for a fact you are going to break my heart tonight, and I am proud of you for doing so. You are strong and brave, but above all, you are beautiful. Inside and outside. You are loyal and true. Those are remarkable and rare virtues. I know I can't be lucky enough to keep you. And I guess I have come to terms with it. I never had much hope. You're probably too good for me. Maybe you're too good for anyone.

You look adorable, your cheeks are red due to the cold December wind and that white hat you had on when you arrived is just lovely. You are looking at me now, you think I'm signing these papers. You were speaking all serious, but smiled when our gazes met, and that's wonderful. If this is all I'm going to have from you, this smile, and that kiss the other day, that's OK. Cause I feel that, against all odds, I had you, even if for just this transitory period of time, it was ours. I was yours and you were mine.

And now it's time to let go. I let you go because you want me to. Because you deserve to have your decisions respected. I wish you happiness. You deserve that, too.

If someday, by any reason you decide to give me a chance... as pathetic as it sounds, I'm pretty sure I'll be eagerly waiting for it and I'll be willing to try and take it.

This is an awful way to end this improvised manifesto, but I see no other way to do it and you're already walking back to our table.

I love you Rhi. And that's why I'm letting you walk away.

PB.

A large tear fell on the folder, making the ink runny. Rhi stood up and walked decidedly towards the bathroom, carrying the "letter" with her. She sat on the toilet and cried for five solid minutes. The five minutes he had probably spent writing it.

What was this man? He had intended this words to be his final farewell and now she wished she never had said good bye to him.